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It kills to be loved

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A virus
in search of a host
a cell to attach to
to infect
if only to be
noticed

It means
no harm
it
pines for
attention
for acknowledgment

It kills
but not
to kill
it kills
to be
loved



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east_of_adaThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Oct. 17, 2013 at 10:41 pm:
okay, first off, lovely concept. i do really like the ideal of social acknowledgement being a virus that literally contaminates you~it's good. however, me personally, i dislike the shortened lines of the second stanzas; it feels out of place in considerates with one and three.  as a whole, the stanza lines to me seem a bit uneven and jagged, but that's a personal thing. in terms of content, i'm not going to recommend metaphorical/literal or whatever, as you need to to figure out... (more »)
 
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Kindle said...
Oct. 17, 2013 at 10:32 pm:
This is really interesting as far as biology poems go, although the aesthetic aspect is slightly lacking.
 
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Shade3043This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Oct. 14, 2013 at 2:15 am:
Oh, and it seems like you're just making new lines randomly, you should also consider making lines that actually make sense when you make a new line
 
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Shade3043This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Oct. 14, 2013 at 2:14 am:
Doesn't really make an impact on me, and leaves no room for interpretation based on the title. Pretty short, no spectacular imagery. Try to add length, imagery, and a sense of interpretation in your future articles. Keep at it. I know that you could be an extremely talented writer, but for now this isn't that good of a poem for me. Needs work. 2/5
 
madison-ave replied...
Oct. 17, 2013 at 10:30 pm :
thank you , i kind of had a feeling it was quite underdeveloped. i'll work on revising/adding to it. thanks much xx 
 
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