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Thirst for Sky

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I stripped my life for him.

I lost myself repeatedly, he left me burning in nakedness.
It took a whole year to dress.

I mistook shadow for shade,
and when darkness scarred me, I thought wanted it.
Flung over strong shoulders, weakness wrestled me down.
A beautiful bird attracts a beautiful bird,
and I was a roach latched to a roach.

I kissed ugly, bright lipstick stained skin.

It’s funny because every part of me was so damn ugly,
but he never cared because in my eyes, he stared into himself.
Emptiness reached for empty.

He slicked aside my worries.
He’d asked me, “Is this okay?” after an hour, I made excuses.
“It’s just a body, right?” “Yeah.”
He broke me, I lent him the hammer.
He said, “I will take you any way.”
I said, “My soul wants any one.”
I was wrong.

I never looked up from dirt, but I was not grounded.
I kept my eyes on floor, but I did not see where my feet were sliding.
And for a second, I tried to make out sky in mud; too late.
He shot my eyes, ripped my light, dragged me by my sockets.
Too blind to see darkness, too numb to feel my hands seizing his eyes.

I thought he loved me.
But somehow knew he could do anything to but not for me.
I thought I wanted the best.
I thought I wanted to make it work.
My grip tore him, too.

Sweaty palms lost my soul for shame,
a bloody tree sprouted between my feet.
I said, “Free me,” but I was caged.
I’d scream to him, “I am more than a body!”
“What are you?”
No reason for my hope pushed me into his arms once more.
“Just be still.” He silenced me.
But he was the one to keep me on the phone all night when I said I was tired.
He was the one to call me at three in the morning to say, “I love you.”
No.
You never did.
The next day he waited for me like prey, but I wanted to be taken.
I suffocated into him as he swallowed those three words.

And then he moved.

He was gone,
and I was collapsed in front of a mirror in a pool of iron.
The tree thirsted and cried as it soaked me into itself,
and I cried, too, as I died.
“O God,” I screamed in hunger, “what can flesh do to me?”
The tree poured out a heavy rain,
I pulled myself to my knees.

I stumbled.
Thoughts of him made me bleed, over again,
until all blood trickled out of my cold heart.
I rose to my feet;
I opened my mouth wide below the tree;
A new heart burst within my being.

And now, every time a hot tea is placed in my lap,
I say no, I’ll drink it too soon,
and cry, shaking, until it’s warm.
But when I take it down from my mouth,
I see the print of the lips that have kissed Adam’s lips, and now mine.
I can breathe.
The mirror sings of my beauty,
And I keep my eyes on sky as I step towards Love that will satisfy me forever.




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