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Jar of Thoughts

A jar of thoughts
Small pieces of paper
With the worst possible thoughts

Mean


Hateful



Cruel




Even Ruthless at times
But one,
Above all others,
Seems to haunt her thoughts

“Half of me wouldn’t care
If she died.
The Other half
Prays for her demise”
It’s a long story,
Boring and told,
About an alcoholic mother,
Who is


Vengeful



Cold




And





Uncontrolled.
Who tormented her daughter
At only 12 years old.
At 13 years of age, she left.
For better, she hoped.
To a place with reliance
And no motherly scold.
But with modern technology,
You’re never alone.
Phone calls after 6pm
Were almost always
Completely fatal

It wasn’t her mother’s drinking
That left her crippled
It wasn’t the hateful, two faced rebound
That made her fear people
I wasn’t the hurtful things
That made her weep
When she was alone at night
It wasn’t even the miles and miles
That made her hate
Her mother in general.
It was her mother’s agonizing betrayal
A person looked up to,



Honored





And







Respected
Yet she sat around
And helped her daughter feel neglected

It took courage to leave
And move away
Hoping for
A sunnier day
It took courage not to

Yell


Scream



And




Curse back at her
It took courage to tell her
She couldn’t be a part
Of her daughter’s
“Bigger Picture”
Every hurtful word
Every Guilty phrase
Sent her into
A depression like haze
But she’s learned to forgive
She’s learned to forget
But mostly
She’s learned to run and hide away.
She will
Hide from the truth
Hide from the pain
Hide from an
Alcoholic Queen’s Rein
She’s learned to hide it all
With a smile
Bright and Happy.
Putting a lid on the emotional bottle
Now,
Close the Jar of Thoughts.
It’s time to put it away.
All that is left is Hope.
Hope that tomorrow
Will bring
A Sunnier Day.



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