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Twister

You left me
And I needed you
All of you
And I helped you
When you were alone
When you needed someone
To talk to
And listen
And when you needed advice from me
I helped you
But then I had nothing left to offer
And where are you now?
Over there with the rest of them
While I'm in this corner
Crying
So trapped in my mind
Because I have no one
To share the words
Of my pain



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OldYoungOne said...
Oct. 4, 2013 at 10:24 pm
I think it is meant to be choppy and gritty because the subject is itself gritty in its own words. I feel the bitterness in the poem and the dissapointment. I would have almost preferred it to be longer and tell a story so that readers could be drawn into the chaos this boy or girl had borught upon this individual. I liekd it and can relate to that fed-up feeling of being let down. Contue working onyour craft.
 
tori-gurlThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Sept. 1, 2013 at 5:59 pm
The way this poem flows when you read it really helps add to your emotional impact. Your first four lines really stick in my head because of your use of the short and long phrases. It works so well throughout and its just so great! The end is really sad, but it is so relatable, I have felt that way before and it just speaks to me. The only thing i would suggest is just trying to show the idea of a twister more in this since it is the title of your poem, but other than that this is really well wr... (more »)
 
Jade.I.AmThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 1, 2013 at 9:36 am
There's something about this that really got to me, emotionally. It's blunt, no-nonsense, business-like, and straightforward, which I think really aided you in having more of an impact on the reader whether you meant to do that or not—that was kind if my overwhelming impression. Also, I loved the idea behind it, of being used for what you have to offer, and once you're no longer useful, that person abandons you. So sad, but so true. LOL and yeah, what's with the title? Great poem, 5/5 :)
 
Christian T. This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Aug. 29, 2013 at 11:04 pm
It's really hard to judge this piece becaue we have such different writing styles. It's really good, though. I feel like it's choppy, but that could just be stylistic differences. It's really relatable and awesome though. Great job!
 
LaChouette This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 26, 2013 at 10:48 am
Nice job! This is a good piece. I'm curious about your choice for the title though. I'd really like to know the reasoning behind it. 
 
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