My belief that starving myself would
Provide me with happiness, but your

Company wouldn’t, always baffled
People considering you were “The best

Thing to ever happen to me.” Although,
Arguably the 30 pounds I lost at

The beginning of this year would be.
I favored food over love because it’s

Something you can actually touch and
I craved control, which my heart did not

have. Your hands always soothed my
aching muscles due to the heat they

Generated but you always said they
Felt like ice to you, so you placed them

In-between my legs to warm them up.
After the month I spent bent over the

Toilet purging my parent’s arguments
And my social anxiety you told me to

Choose between what I love and my
First love. You left your headphones

Behind when you left- you always hated
Losing them. I lost 10 pounds.

Later, people will say that this
Disorder is what killed me, but

I think that when the front door
Slammed shut the night you left,

You took anything that may have
Been alive in me.

Your headphones remain
Tangled up next to my bed.