but can you tell me
where we stand
because i swear that things are different now -
are we friends? or are we merely acquaintances?
you erupt in laughter when i speak
almost signaling to me that
you are over the past.
but i am not. i am not over the past.
the past will always be a part of me,
like a permanent marker stain
splattered on my heart.
i know that things cannot be repaired -
but while i may not be the sharpest tool in the shed
i can assure you that
a dull knife is more resistant to
the harsh conditions
we may present to it.
and while i'm at it
ill tell you a secret -
every time i pass by
and look you straight in the eye
i get a whiplash from how quickly i jerk my head
in a different direction
pretending as if you were never
this big
huge
amazing
part of my life
that i blindly took advantage of -
recklessly abused -
foolishly victimized.
but the truth of the matter is -
i never wanted to bring you down -
i never wanted you to fall with me.
i just wanted somebody -
anybody -
you -
to join me.
i never realized by doing so
i was unknowingly pushing you -
shoving you -
driving you -
to your breaking.
i lost the most important person
in my life
i cant believe i was ever so careless.
but then again
maybe not much has changed.
but can you please tell me
where do we stand
because i don't know
if things are really that much different
after all.