It Doesn't Even Matter

August 4, 2013
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I had you.
But that doesn't matter,
because I lost you.

I watched as you slipped away
live a river, tried to capture you,
and watched as I had failed,
for it was already too late.

I miss you.
But that doesn't matter either,
because you no longer belong to me.

And I guess
that, too, doesn't matter
because it is January of 2013,
and you are not mine.

And October of 2012,
you weren't mine either.

And even a year from now,
when it is January 2014,
or a few hours from now,
when it is 2 am,
it still won't matter

because you still won't be mine,
and I will still love you just as much
as I do today, just as much as
I will tomorrow,
and just as much as I did
a year ago.

I will still be lying down in bed, snuggling
up to the blanket you last used to sleep with,
because your smell still lingers on it.

I will still be wishing I could be the one to
wipe away all your tears,
still be the one to hold your hand.

and I will still be longing for you,
while you long for somebody else,

I will still be writing about you
in sloppy print on paper in the dark,
while you write of somebody else.

I will still be staying up late imagining;

that doesn't matter, though,
because while I am up late at night,
you will be in your own bed,
far away from me,
dreaming of somebody else.

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