What were you doing when they came to your door? What were you wearing when they cuffed you? Was your voice shaking with every “yes" and “guilty" you announced? Did you feel a pit in your stomach, did conviction hit you like a brick? Were you bruised?

I can see it now, you sipping your scotch thinking you were scott free. Snake! I hope you savored every look you got at my face, the face of in-just consequences. I wish I cold see tears erupt in you as you sniff back snot. I hope she put my school pictures up on the fridge, did it subdue your appetite? I hope you cry when I show up at your door. I hope I have the nerve to touch you, whether I hug you or hit you, I hope I have the strength to hold back! You were supposed to protect us! Little baby Jozee girl, you owe her!

Would you believe me if I told you I spent most of my life trying to protect you? That I invested energy into defending you? CREEP! All because I wanted to hold onto the memory of jumping into your arms.

Did you ever get my letter? The date marked fathers day and the ink was a little smudged. Remember?

Two baby girls gives way from a lot of forgiveness.
I hope you’re proud of me, even though I cant remember your voice no matter how hard I try. No matter how hard I try I can’t be mad at you! With clenched fists I yearned to find a fire in my heart to burn you in! I couldn’t light one, you’re my father and I hate that I love you!

If the next time I see you we’re both in heaven, I’ll have nothing to say, but only then.