The Departing Oak | Teen Ink

The Departing Oak

July 15, 2013
By BlackbeltJames GOLD, Reading, Other
BlackbeltJames GOLD, Reading, Other
14 articles 0 photos 193 comments

Favorite Quote:
Isaac Asimov - "Intelligence is an accident of evolution, and not necessarily an advantage.”


In the flowing nature of October, where the rich smell of death looms,
acorns bounce against the decaying ground of fallen leaves.
They departed from the branch that reached to the sun,
reaching up to it like an insect to a headlight.
Hope, hope, was all they had;
would either swerve to achieve its goal?
Was it to reach the light,
or have it avoid them like a fungus in the damp confinement of the roots?

Like at the train station, they wave in the wind,
softly, smoothly, gently;
bidding farewell, hopeless as they fall to the ground.
The leaves falling to their grave,
soaring through the air, they ended gladly;
painlessly.

Without the great structure that held it, they were nothing;
they faded into the undergrowth, never to be seen, nor ever noticed.
Vanishing segments of something once great,
the leaves mourned their own departure for the doubt of remembrance.

Buried, but without a trace of a tombstone,
their bodies lost in the grass and filth.
Mother nature dies, yet nobody notices;
time has passed and others left too.
The wind of the train flying past took the last of the leaves off of the great oak,
catching its suffering depression in its headlights.

Hope was lost and hatred unearthed;
they all abandoned each other, and the great tree wilted.
Alone to rake the leaves together,
disheartened as their screams in the wind blew their stubbornness through the gathering.
Either becoming dust of buried nature, or blowing far away, just to rid themselves of the pain.
From our great family tree, I was the last to leave.


The author's comments:
This is just something I started writing and it gradually built up to create this; most likely influenced by the topics we study in sociology. I find that it is a little complicated due to the odd timeline of the poem, however, if you read through it twice, it should make sense.
There is a deeper meaning than you initially think.

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This article has 46 comments.


on Aug. 8 2013 at 4:52 pm
BlackbeltJames GOLD, Reading, Other
14 articles 0 photos 193 comments

Favorite Quote:
Isaac Asimov - "Intelligence is an accident of evolution, and not necessarily an advantage.”

yeah, I agree in some aspects, but it can be hard to fit it all in. Thanks for your comment :)

OldYoungOne said...
on Aug. 8 2013 at 9:34 am
This is a very thought provoking piece. I loved the vivid imagery and underlying meaning. I liked that this poem didn't force the reader to overthink but had them use thier brain. I do agree it could flow better because in the longer sentences I feel it dragged.

on Aug. 5 2013 at 3:26 pm
BlackbeltJames GOLD, Reading, Other
14 articles 0 photos 193 comments

Favorite Quote:
Isaac Asimov - "Intelligence is an accident of evolution, and not necessarily an advantage.”

Thanks, I completely agree that the hidden meaning is very well hidden, but I love a sudden and unexpected twist (just like my stories) so I try to give them the biggest impact I can.
I'll try and do some more and work on it, usually I write short stories, but I enjoy my poetry as well, so I'll see what I can do. Thanks for the feedback :)

on Aug. 5 2013 at 1:25 pm
WriteOrWrong BRONZE, Grosse Pointe, Michigan
3 articles 0 photos 105 comments

Favorite Quote:
Sometimes you just need to take a nap and get over it. -Maura Stuard

Very thought provoking. A second read allowed me to get a much better understanding. Your description of Autumn was right on.  I adore the way you expressed this sort of abandonment and unattendedness through leaves. Things I would suggest: the flow could be a bit better and although I recognize that you are trying to mask the deeper meaning maybe you could make it a bit clearer. Try to let the implicit seep through a little more. Some parts I felt were a bit off for the theme of the poem. I can't tell you how much I love the second stanza. Great job! You should write poetry more!

on Aug. 2 2013 at 7:27 am
BlackbeltJames GOLD, Reading, Other
14 articles 0 photos 193 comments

Favorite Quote:
Isaac Asimov - "Intelligence is an accident of evolution, and not necessarily an advantage.”

Yeah, I tried not to make it too long, but just long enough to say what was needed for it. Thanks :D

on Aug. 2 2013 at 7:25 am
BlackbeltJames GOLD, Reading, Other
14 articles 0 photos 193 comments

Favorite Quote:
Isaac Asimov - "Intelligence is an accident of evolution, and not necessarily an advantage.”

I'm glad you enjoyed it, thanks for the comment :D

on Aug. 2 2013 at 7:19 am
BlackbeltJames GOLD, Reading, Other
14 articles 0 photos 193 comments

Favorite Quote:
Isaac Asimov - "Intelligence is an accident of evolution, and not necessarily an advantage.”

I'm glad you enjoyed it, but was it the leaves I was humanising or the humans I was talking about as leaves (depends if you truly understand the ending).
Thanks for the comment :)

on Aug. 1 2013 at 7:43 pm
MissExploration BRONZE, Vancouver, Washington
1 article 0 photos 112 comments

Favorite Quote:
It Can Only Fly When It Needs To.

Amazing poem! I love everything about it, especially setting the time in October! You really describe autumn to it's fullest and connect the falling of the oak tree. Although this poem is long, I think it's the perfect length for it. Great job!

on Aug. 1 2013 at 6:26 pm
CatchAFallingStar PLATINUM, Pearland, Texas
24 articles 6 photos 67 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's yours, if it doesn't, it never was." - Unknown

Awesome job, I really enjoyed reading this poem :D Definitely 5-star-worthy! :)

sarah98 BRONZE said...
on Aug. 1 2013 at 6:21 pm
sarah98 BRONZE, Holyoke, Massachusetts
1 article 0 photos 405 comments

Favorite Quote:
It is better to write for yourself and have no audience than write for your audience and have no self.

this was really good! i love how you humanize the leaves. fantastic work!!! 5/5!!

Mckay ELITE said...
on Aug. 1 2013 at 5:58 pm
Mckay ELITE, Somewhere, Virginia
146 articles 0 photos 2230 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do."
—Apple’s “Think Different” commercial, 1997
“Crazy people are considered mad by the rest of the society only because their intelligence isn't understood.”
― Weihui Zhou

Good thinking. There's always room for improvement, I agree. And you will please your reader. From what I can tell already, you're well on your way. 

on Jul. 31 2013 at 4:02 pm
BlackbeltJames GOLD, Reading, Other
14 articles 0 photos 193 comments

Favorite Quote:
Isaac Asimov - "Intelligence is an accident of evolution, and not necessarily an advantage.”

Well if you say so haha, I just try to not let it go to my head, that way I can still aspire to improve. But of course, it is amazing to hear such things from someone. I just hope I can continue to please :D

on Jul. 31 2013 at 4:00 pm
BlackbeltJames GOLD, Reading, Other
14 articles 0 photos 193 comments

Favorite Quote:
Isaac Asimov - "Intelligence is an accident of evolution, and not necessarily an advantage.”

Well I'm glad you enjoyed it :D

on Jul. 31 2013 at 3:40 pm
LoonyLoopyLupin GOLD, Raynham, Massachusetts
13 articles 0 photos 52 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I am proud of who I am. I believe in what I do." -Pavel Chekov (Star Trek The Original Series, episode: "The Way To Eden")

That last line just put this poem in a whole new light. At first it seemed like you were talking about leaving home, then about an individual fighting society, and then... you were talking about yourself. I love that, that you kept the reader guessing. This piece is so thoughtful. So honest. It's beautiful, to put it bluntly. From one writer to another: wow. I was blown away by this.

Mckay ELITE said...
on Jul. 31 2013 at 2:30 pm
Mckay ELITE, Somewhere, Virginia
146 articles 0 photos 2230 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do."
—Apple’s “Think Different” commercial, 1997
“Crazy people are considered mad by the rest of the society only because their intelligence isn't understood.”
― Weihui Zhou

Of course you do. Never deny yourself of the feedback another person gives you, even if sometimes it may seem bloated. ^u^

on Jul. 31 2013 at 1:11 pm
BlackbeltJames GOLD, Reading, Other
14 articles 0 photos 193 comments

Favorite Quote:
Isaac Asimov - "Intelligence is an accident of evolution, and not necessarily an advantage.”

Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed it! :D

on Jul. 31 2013 at 11:40 am
sophistryxo SILVER, St. Louis, Missouri
5 articles 0 photos 32 comments

Favorite Quote:
“There was nowhere to go but everywhere, so just keep on rolling under the stars.”
-Jack Kerouac

Oooh that got a lot darker than I anticipated. However, it was excellently written! I'm a sucker for personification :) Great job!

on Jul. 30 2013 at 6:17 pm
BlackbeltJames GOLD, Reading, Other
14 articles 0 photos 193 comments

Favorite Quote:
Isaac Asimov - "Intelligence is an accident of evolution, and not necessarily an advantage.”

Wow thanks, I'm not even sure if I deserve these compliments but thanks :D

on Jul. 30 2013 at 6:06 pm
BlackbeltJames GOLD, Reading, Other
14 articles 0 photos 193 comments

Favorite Quote:
Isaac Asimov - "Intelligence is an accident of evolution, and not necessarily an advantage.”

Yeah, I have been having similar problems on the forums, dont worry about it :)
I try to stay a grammatically correct as I can when writing poetry and it does depend, most people use them as commas when reading outloud and see them as no more distracting, but I will take the feedback on board.
Thanks :)
 

on Jul. 30 2013 at 6:04 pm
BlackbeltJames GOLD, Reading, Other
14 articles 0 photos 193 comments

Favorite Quote:
Isaac Asimov - "Intelligence is an accident of evolution, and not necessarily an advantage.”

I'm glad you enjoyed it. I'm pleased about that, I Love it when a twist works and especially when its an emotional one. Thanks :D