Avalanche

July 4, 2013
By LexusMarie PLATINUM, Las Cruces, New Mexico
LexusMarie PLATINUM, Las Cruces, New Mexico
27 articles 0 photos 423 comments

Favorite Quote:
The more control you have over yourself, the less control others have over you.


It's pushing down hard on my chest
and all I can do is try to catch my breath.
Been this way for such a long time
you think you're a quarter and I'm a dime.
I get beat step by step,
but you just wait you'll get what you get.
The sky is starting to grow black,
but I am not afraid, I don't take a step back.
I think this is my chance to be free,
to get away from the rules and finally be me.
The shadow engulfs my body
and the crows caw in harmony.
Then, the avalanche begins to fall
and on top of me there's an unleashed wall.
I guess I was right that there is no hope,
because I am only attached to your rope.
I bet you're happy to see my pain,
to you my life is a little game.
I try to get up and away from this mess
the stress holds me down and whispers, 'Take a rest.'
But I can't do that, I taste the grey in my life
and now I am starting to think twice.
I won't give-up because that's not who I am,
but I am going to give you the avalanche.
Here, please take it.. a gift from me to you.
You get to have all the things that you've put me through.


The author's comments:
Hello! This is an edited version of a poem I wrote for dragonsandthree for the novel he and I collaborate on.

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This article has 5 comments.


on Aug. 19 2013 at 10:03 am
estucker1998 PLATINUM, Tuscaloosa, Alabama
20 articles 0 photos 63 comments

Favorite Quote:
The voracious ambition of humans is never sated by dreams coming true, because of the thought that everything may be done better and again. --John Green, The Fault in Our Stars.

Hey! First off, YOU'RE WRITING A NOVEL??!!! That's great! I can't wait to read it ;) Okay, now for the poem. Ummm... I loved it! It had great imagery and the symbolism of the avalanche was just perfect. You can tell the bitterness in this poem, and it's great. Nice work! Keep writing! By the way, can I read you novel? Ha ha! ;) 

on Jul. 27 2013 at 9:36 pm
Laugh-it-Out PLATINUM, Brooklyn, New York, New York
38 articles 0 photos 445 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light" --Dylan Thomas

Ok first, Mckay's post had me cracking up 'Lexus brah' haha ok as for your amazing poem!! I really liked the imagery and the symbolism of the avalanche. As far as criticism or helpfulness, i think that some things could have been a bit more show not tell, and also some of the rhyming seems a little forced. The last lines are pretty frikin priceless though!! I mean bam! I really liked it. Also, i think you overused the word avalanche. I mean i know that that's the symbol/motif of the poem, but maybe not use it as many times as you did. I hope that didnt come across as men or snobby because i really love this especially all the emotion. Like i said the last lines are perfect litterally choked me up! Anyway, its good to read more work from you. I have missed it. Keep rockin Lexus :)

Mckay ELITE said...
on Jul. 23 2013 at 5:19 pm
Mckay ELITE, Somewhere, Virginia
146 articles 0 photos 2260 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do."
—Apple’s “Think Different” commercial, 1997
“Crazy people are considered mad by the rest of the society only because their intelligence isn't understood.”
― Weihui Zhou

Can't wait to read this novel you're collabing with Andy, brah. The dime and quarter imagery, for me, for whatever reason, is just memorable. I love it! The title reminds me of moutains and snow, of course. Which makes me happy. I can forget the ridiculous humidity here for a while. And the feeling of not giving up makes me want to be the same. A fighter, not quitting becuase someone else wants you to. Pick yourself up and get into the game. Well done, Lexus, brah.

on Jul. 20 2013 at 6:44 pm
Carpe-Caffeam GOLD, No Where, Florida
10 articles 0 photos 445 comments

Favorite Quote:
“If it weren’t for the coffee, I’d have no identifiable personality whatsoever.” –David Letterman

SASSY ENDING! I love this XD Of course, I love it even more 'cause you and Drag are collaborating and he's gonna use this which is A.W.E.S.O.M.E. since two of my favourite writers are working together. ^_^ Overall, the imagery in this is EPIC and I love how you managed to rhyme without letting it get in the way of the meaning. Great job!

on Jul. 20 2013 at 6:28 pm
SoulPoetry PLATINUM, Sierra Madre, California
29 articles 4 photos 69 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I will work harder" (animal farm boxer the horse)

(First comment- yay!) Ok first off, I love the emotion in this poem. The "you're a quarter and I'm a dime" line is priceless! I have to say this is one of my favorite poems and you, miss, are my favorite poet :) Your rhyming skill are spot-on. Once i read the author's comments i was expecting something totally different but that's what makes you great. You always manage to surprise me with your wonderful skill. Great job and one day you'll be a well known poet in the country :)




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