Pitfall | Teen Ink

Pitfall

July 10, 2013
By Waistband GOLD, Hudson Falls, New York
Waistband GOLD, Hudson Falls, New York
15 articles 0 photos 63 comments

Favorite Quote:
"What's right is what's left if you do everything else wrong." Robin Williams


I’m falling. Rapidly descending back into the hole I just climbed out of. I reach wildly for anything on the walls that can slow my fall. But all my fingers pull from the sides of this hole is dirt. Who would have guessed that all it would take is a simple push. After all the hours of toil to make everything right, a simple push, a stumble, and down I fell. I fought for so long. I worked so hard. But it has all amounted to nothing. I’m unable to see anything below me as I plummet towards the bottom of this seemingly bottomless pit. I look up towards the light that is rapidly fading from sight. I see a figure gazing down. The one who pushed me in. I feel raw fury build inside of myself as I imagine the mocking smirk that must be displayed across their face. Sadness emerges as well. A feeling that had, I thought, finally lost its hold upon me. I begin to wonder how long it would take for me to hit the bottom. I feel it swallowing me whole as I fall further. Despair wrapping itself around my body. Loneliness sets in as I feel abandoned by the world in which I lived. I stop reaching for the sides, hands raw from the struggle of fighting. From the struggle of life. All that’s left is darkness. It is now my home. Controlling my feelings and taking over my life. Bitter tears form as I reflect on how the world pushed me away. Back into this hole. I look above and my will shatters and my heart saddens, as I watch the last shred of light go out.



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This article has 10 comments.


Waistband GOLD said...
on Jul. 19 2013 at 11:30 pm
Waistband GOLD, Hudson Falls, New York
15 articles 0 photos 63 comments

Favorite Quote:
"What's right is what's left if you do everything else wrong." Robin Williams

Thank you Brisa. :) and yes I hope that something big can come out of every Pitfall.

Waistband GOLD said...
on Jul. 19 2013 at 11:28 pm
Waistband GOLD, Hudson Falls, New York
15 articles 0 photos 63 comments

Favorite Quote:
"What's right is what's left if you do everything else wrong." Robin Williams

Haha yes lets agree to disagree and I did enjoy debating with you too. and yes that is true, it is all about how you feel. :)

Brisa PLATINUM said...
on Jul. 19 2013 at 3:46 am
Brisa PLATINUM, Wasilla, Alaska
20 articles 7 photos 38 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Si dan a tú papel alineado, escribas el otro camino."
"If they give you lined paper, write the other way"
-Juan Ramon Jiminez

I have the distinct feeling that, judging by the power in this poem, big things are going to happen when you've finished conquering this Pitfall.

Mckay ELITE said...
on Jul. 17 2013 at 5:07 pm
Mckay ELITE, Somewhere, Virginia
146 articles 0 photos 2260 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do."
—Apple’s “Think Different” commercial, 1997
“Crazy people are considered mad by the rest of the society only because their intelligence isn't understood.”
― Weihui Zhou

Cool style. Every poet is different. and I think it's cool when there's something that sets you apart. Obviously this sets you apart. (Don't be self-conscious about it.) I'm overly experimental. I try just about anything. Either way, people love it or don't. But that's not what matters. What matters is that you're sending your message through your poetry, regardless of the standards. 

HazelGrace said...
on Jul. 17 2013 at 3:22 pm
interesting opinion even though I don't agree ahha but i like your position it is very poetic while it is also my opinion that I am right we can just agree to disagree :) It's about how you feel right? hahah I have very much enjoyed reading and discussing with you!

Waistband GOLD said...
on Jul. 17 2013 at 12:44 am
Waistband GOLD, Hudson Falls, New York
15 articles 0 photos 63 comments

Favorite Quote:
"What's right is what's left if you do everything else wrong." Robin Williams

Thank you haley I appreciate the support but  line breaks are not a rule of poetry lol. Just a formality that has become tradition over time. Its why I label it free verse. If you are to focus on the structure you lose sight of the passion, of the meaning. its true that it can be used to create effect and emphasis but I dont tend to add effects or try to emphasize on  particular points of my poetry. I just let it move and let it create its own effects with what it says. That feeling you described in the begining is what poetry is, not a space. Thats just for organization and rhyme schemes as far as Im concerned.

HazelGrace said...
on Jul. 16 2013 at 4:29 pm
I love the description- depending on your taste it's might seem like "too much" but I personally think it makes me feel like I'm watching a movie but I can feel everything. Love it :)  I would say however that this is poetry and like the only rule o poetry is that you have line breaks. So use them intentionally to create effects in your poems. Or just write not-poetry. And formatting is such an easy thing to improve- you have the style just refine :) Nice job

Waistband GOLD said...
on Jul. 13 2013 at 12:42 pm
Waistband GOLD, Hudson Falls, New York
15 articles 0 photos 63 comments

Favorite Quote:
"What's right is what's left if you do everything else wrong." Robin Williams

P.S Ill make sure to check out all of your stuff soon. Iv'e just been really busy lately and you have alooooot of stuff haha

Waistband GOLD said...
on Jul. 13 2013 at 12:37 pm
Waistband GOLD, Hudson Falls, New York
15 articles 0 photos 63 comments

Favorite Quote:
"What's right is what's left if you do everything else wrong." Robin Williams

Yea I like to use excess amounts of imagery and description in all of my poetry. And yes this is the style I write all of my poems. 

Mckay ELITE said...
on Jul. 11 2013 at 6:43 pm
Mckay ELITE, Somewhere, Virginia
146 articles 0 photos 2260 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do."
—Apple’s “Think Different” commercial, 1997
“Crazy people are considered mad by the rest of the society only because their intelligence isn't understood.”
― Weihui Zhou

I love your symbolism, metaphors, and descriptions. The emotion in it is also tangiblbe. And relatable. I'm not sure about this format. If it's your style or what, I'd love to know. Amazing imagery, by the way. It's all vivid and visual. 


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