dawn dreamsong

July 9, 2013
By sophistryxo SILVER, St. Louis, Missouri
sophistryxo SILVER, St. Louis, Missouri
5 articles 0 photos 32 comments

Favorite Quote:
“There was nowhere to go but everywhere, so just keep on rolling under the stars.”
-Jack Kerouac

you told me,
in the hush of daybreak,
that it couldn’t be love
making me stumble.
for i had yet to hear you sing.

in my dreams i would strain to hear
over the flowers blossoming
at your smile
and the crackling of the constellations,
searching for the melody.

but when the sweet sun
shattered your slumber
i sensed the song in the swing
of your hips, the gentle curve
of your leg, and the pucker
of your lips.

and my heart hummed along
for it knew it as love,
but had yet to learn the words.

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This article has 6 comments.

on Jul. 28 2013 at 10:27 am
Labradorian PLATINUM, Chicago, Illinois
34 articles 0 photos 52 comments
I really loved the alliteration in the thrid stanza. It was almost musical.

on Jul. 25 2013 at 12:40 pm
BlackbeltJames GOLD, Reading, Other
14 articles 0 photos 193 comments

Favorite Quote:
Isaac Asimov - "Intelligence is an accident of evolution, and not necessarily an advantage.”

Once again, a very good poem. This title was quite intriguing as at first it does seem confusing and unique, and the poem then aids the understanding. Great structure, language and imagery; my only criticism is the lack of capital letters, but I have been told before that some poets do not use them.
well done :)

Enderman GOLD said...
on Jul. 22 2013 at 5:35 pm
Enderman GOLD, Waco, Texas
18 articles 0 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
"There is no monster greater than a lack of compassion."

-Master Splinter, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Hey Sophi.  I thought that this was an exceptional poem!  It seems like you actually put a lot of work and thought into your writing!  Never stop writing!!  I made sure to rate it, also, because I know how difficult it can be to get ratings on the TeenInk website!!!

Mckay ELITE said...
on Jul. 22 2013 at 5:04 pm
Mckay ELITE, Somewhere, Virginia
146 articles 0 photos 2260 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do."
—Apple’s “Think Different” commercial, 1997
“Crazy people are considered mad by the rest of the society only because their intelligence isn't understood.”
― Weihui Zhou

I felt it slight jagged at first. But that's just me. I know this is free verse. So, I won't make a big deal out of it like most people. Your imagery is lovely. I love the title especially and you theme. Very beautiful.

Csquared GOLD said...
on Jul. 20 2013 at 11:28 pm
Csquared GOLD, Lexington, Massachusetts
10 articles 0 photos 38 comments
Great last stanza! It just reads so gracefully! That pairing of words just sounds so perfect! I also love how you just snuck it in at the end of the poem. It helps give the poem an elegant, sweet twist.

on Jul. 11 2013 at 12:22 pm
Myvoice4change SILVER, Other, Other
9 articles 3 photos 167 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Everything will be ok in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end."

Nice rhythm and imagery!


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