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dawn dreamsong

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you told me,
in the hush of daybreak,
that it couldn’t be love
making me stumble.
for i had yet to hear you sing.

in my dreams i would strain to hear
over the flowers blossoming
at your smile
and the crackling of the constellations,
searching for the melody.

but when the sweet sun
shattered your slumber
i sensed the song in the swing
of your hips, the gentle curve
of your leg, and the pucker
of your lips.

and my heart hummed along
for it knew it as love,
but had yet to learn the words.




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BlackbeltJamesThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 25 at 12:40 pm:
Once again, a very good poem. This title was quite intriguing as at first it does seem confusing and unique, and the poem then aids the understanding. Great structure, language and imagery; my only criticism is the lack of capital letters, but I have been told before that some poets do not use them.
well done :)
 
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EndermanThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 22 at 5:35 pm:
Hey Sophi.  I thought that this was an exceptional poem!  It seems like you actually put a lot of work and thought into your writing!  Never stop writing!!  I made sure to rate it, also, because I know how difficult it can be to get ratings on the TeenInk website!!!
 
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MckayThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 22 at 5:04 pm:
I felt it slight jagged at first. But that's just me. I know this is free verse. So, I won't make a big deal out of it like most people. Your imagery is lovely. I love the title especially and you theme. Very beautiful.
 
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CsquaredThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 20 at 11:28 pm:
Great last stanza! It just reads so gracefully! That pairing of words just sounds so perfect! I also love how you just snuck it in at the end of the poem. It helps give the poem an elegant, sweet twist.
 
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cowgirl4everThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 11 at 12:22 pm:
Nice rhythm and imagery!
 
LabradorianThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
today at 10:27 am :
I really loved the alliteration in the thrid stanza. It was almost musical.
 
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