Deafened Ears This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

June 12, 2013
By , Spokane, WA
The English teacher found out today
Found out I’d been cheating on tests
Said I needed to get my act together
Said I needed to stop and start again
Stop wasting time
Start studying

Maybe he’s the one that should stop
Stop accusing me of slacking
Stop assuming I didn’t study
Maybe I spent all weekend with that lazy half-sister
Taking care of the little girl she didn’t have time for
Maybe she’s the one slacking
Too busy playing with men
Too busy acting like a teenager
To realize that the woman she needs to be
Is with that little girl
Playing with that curly-haired, wide-eyed wonder
Acting like a mother

Maybe I had to be that mom all weekend
Maybe I was the one holding the bottle
Maybe I was the one sitting by the crib
Wiping runny noses and drying tears
Maybe I was too busy with those runny noses and that curly hair
Too busy to notice the study sheets piling up
Too busy to notice
Too busy
Too busy to notice

Until The Man noticed for me
The Man with the unshaven face and hollow eyes
Hollow eyes that echo empty words and empty promises
Empty promises and beer on his breathe
Breathe claiming me as his child
Child of The Man
The Man noticed
Noticed the sipping grades
Grades running the alphabet’s course
From A’s to B’s to C’s all the way down to that sticky F
That sticky F that won’t let go
That sticky F
That's what The Man noticed

The Man made me notice
Made me notice with swinging fists and stinging words
A ripped and worn patchwork of words
Words threaded with curses and laced with threats
Fabricating around my throat
Pressure making it impossible to breathe
Impossible to breathe an apology
Impossible to breathe an excuse
Truly impossible to blame those big eyes and little fingers

Those little fingers wrapped around my heart
Those big hands wrapped around my neck
My hands rushing to please both
My hands filling both the bottles
My hands teaching the alphabet, reversing the alphabet
My hands sneaking test answers
My hands with fingers crossed

My hands and my mouth
Concocting more poison on my tongue
More poisonous lies
For that teacher’s deafened ears
Ears deafened to the plea hiding behind the wall of lies
The wall that hides my life
With those plastic flowers planted along the bricks
Hiding the shriveled dead ones on the other side
Shriveled and dead

Killed by The Man
The Man and that poisoned drink
That poison poured down his throat
That poison, its amber rivers, flooding my mind
That poison shriveling my heart and the flowers that graced it
That poison poured down his throat
Yet into my life
That poison, held back, concealed
Out of sight behind my brick wall of lies
That rushing of poisoned rivers muffled and inaudible
Inaudible to those deafened ears

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PasoFinoPower said...
Jul. 5, 2013 at 4:43 pm
that... that was so beautiful. i'm sorry for you. It's not your fault. praying for you.
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