You look for a way out,
a way to numb the pain
and erase your thoughts.
A way to forget about the hurt
forget about the suffering.
A way to hide your emotions,
hide your wounds.
Thinking you can run from your problems,
thinking you can eat away your feelings.
Except the effect becomes
quite the opposite
and sends you in the reverse direction.
You become too attached,
too dependent.
Food becomes your security blanket
and eating becomes your past time.
But the more you eat,
the more depressed you feel.
Feeling exceedingly full with every bite,
feeling fatter with every spoonful.
So why is it
that you still turn to food?
Why is it
that you let food control your life?
Eating has become your biggest nightmare-
once you start,
you can’t stop.
You feel the only way out
is to just stop eating altogether.
If you don’t have any,
then it can’t get out of control.
This is a problem
that’s taking over your life.
This is a problem
that’s slowly killing you inside.

All of a sudden
you notice everyone,
everything.
Every skinny figure,
every beautiful face.
Your mind is your most critical judge,
noticing who you are
and everything you’re not.
You’re striving for a goal that’s not there,
not possible.
A goal unrealistic and unfeasible.
A goal that is always out of reach
no matter how close you get.

So you starve yourself,
letting hunger consume your body.
You’d rather have nothing
than anything at all.
The scale is your track record,
your guidance.
How long are you going
to have to do this?
When will you ever be little enough?
Skinny enough?
Pretty enough?
I mean is this it?
Is this what your life has come down to-
a daily battle to not eat?
A daily battle
that’s turned days of the week
into numbers on a scale?
137…
121…
114…
105…

You look for a way out,
a way to numb the pain
and erase your thoughts.
You numb the pain
and numb the thoughts
with hunger,
hunger that puts you in control of something
for the first time in your life.