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Just Breathe and Hold on.

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Have you ever felt a knot in your chest, so bad that your heartbeats feel like a ticking time bomb waiting to erupt?
And you lie there silent, staring at the blank ceiling as if searching for answers that may never come.
It's a war zone within your mind, but you can't do anything about it.
The thoughts, the memories, the fears, just eat at you until you feel like your suffocating within yourself.
And when you try to scream, no one hears your cries, no one seems to care because in your mind you're nothing.
Breathe. Just breathe. That's what you try to do, but it's not helping.
You can't hear the angel begging you to keep trying, to have faith, to smile and move forward.
No.
All you hear is the creature reminding you of the things you have lost, of the sadness you bare, of the future that has no light at the end of the tunnel.
You're blinded. Purely blinded.
But you don't know.
You don't see the veil.
Where are the friends that said they'd have your back?
Where is the best friend who said she'd never hurt you, abandon you, find better people than you?

Why does it seem like all the mistakes you have made, have made a scar so deep that it feels like tomorrow won't come?
You feel alone.
You feel hopeless.
All you want to do is sleep.
And you wonder what it would feel like to not exist,
but then you tremble a little at what happens after your gone.

No longer will you see the sun, interpret the clouds and guess if it looks like a fish or a dragon.
You won't hear your loved ones laughing, have a conversation, watch your favorite show, hear your favorite songs, do what you love to do and what makes you happy.

But you guess you don't think of that, the consequences, the story left untold, the song ended in the middle,
because you're stuck here, right now, with a burden so heavy, not even at your toughest can you push it away.
You're just too disappointed, too gone in this darkness, that peering into your eyes makes another person shiver cold to see a hollow soul emptied of its strength.
You're tired. So tired.
So you hum a lullaby in your head, forcing yourself to fight, to make it through another day, another birthday, another year.

Count the seconds, the minutes, the hours, the days, of how far you've come.
Contemplate what you want to do, what you want to eat, to drink, just to look forward to something that makes you feel
content. Alive.

You wonder why you're still here?
You could have easily left by now, there are so many ways and so many days, hours, minutes, and seconds to plan...But...You're still here.

You want to fight.

You want to dream and accomplish your goals, be the person you've always wanted to be.
A voice keeps telling you to hold on, you can do it.
Life isn't easy, you know that, yet it doesn't click in your mind that you're not the only one.

You struggle, feel beaten down by the lies, betrayals, failures, and mistakes you can never fix.
You don't know me, I don't know you.
We're strangers, you know that.
Yet it makes you feel better knowing that someone understands.
That someone doesn't want you to give up, that someone is praying for you, cheering for you, yet that person is only a stranger.

A stranger that knows the pain.
Who knows what it's like to pretend to belong in a world where only the strongest can survive.
Just breathe.
It'll be okay.
Find the one thing that brings you the most joy and hold onto it.
Please, hold on, and I promise,
I will too.



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