The days feel shorter… but the hours seem longer. As the teasing heat seeps in with every breath of hot air, the pain intensifies… raging deeper and deeper. The pounding sensation within my body, mind, and soul irritates me. It annoys me as if it knows how to make me angrier. I am a puppet in a ventriloquist’s show. The passion for happiness is long gone… it has been stripped from me piece by piece and with each piece a barrier was built to relieve the pain… but only sour notes are left in this melody. I have learned the ways of many people… and I have learned how to try to seal out the pain… ha-ha but oh it has found a way to seep in somehow. It came in the night, sweet talking its way into my life. It crawled and crept its way in, dropping rose pedals of lies along the way. Oh how I was blinded by this mischievous devil. I did not know my guards were sleeping… and let in this demon. No, I cannot say I did not see this coming. No, I saw it from the beginning, I see now, but I refuse to believe it. I have forced myself to believe that this is an angel sent from the almighty God himself… ha-ha but this I know is a lie. This is the lie I told myself to try and shut out the pain, but by doing so I am only making matters worse. I have realized that my past has beaten and torn me down…it has built these barriers around me trying to seal out the good and bring in the bad for that is all it knows, and thus that is all it craves. It does not seek warmth and joy… no it deep, deep down secretly wants it… but it’s not ready for it so it takes in the pain instead. Others can help, and their words of wisdom temporarily comfort, but oh it wears off and the hunt begins. It starts off humble and slow… but as the hunger intensifies so does the craving and bigger prey is stalked and attacked. A familiar pattern arises and the process starts over again in a never ending cycle. I believe it will end one day, when the walls are torn down. The stripped away pieces will never return and cannot be replaced… but I believe they can be substituted by something else in return.