The first thing I remember
Cold
Icy cold
Why am I here?
I feel my heartbeat
Thump thump
Slow and steady
I open my mouth to breathe
My throat fills
This is not air
My lungs burn
I need air
I must move
I can’t
Paralyzed
My eyes open
I see a light
Heaven?
No
My limp body
Moving closer to the light
I still can’t breathe
Must get to the light
Blackness.
“Hello?”
A voice from above
My eyes open again
I hear my ragged breath
Breath!
I am alive
I have air
I lift my arm
I can move
Warmth.
I am warm
“Hello, Sweetie”
Again
The voice
I turn my head
A woman
Short brown hair
Maybe 50 years
Looking at me
Cautiously
I nod my head
I can’t speak
Not yet
The woman beams
“Thank goodness you’re okay!”
So many questions
Why am I here?
What happened?
Who are you?
Who am I?
I realize
I don’t know who I am
I open my mouth
All I can say
“What?”
A sad look crosses her face
“Oh, Sweetie
There was a crash
A plane crash
We found you in the river
We were, unsure if you had made it”
She smiled sadly
“I’m glad you’re okay.”
I tried again
Licking my lips
My throat was dry
“Who?”

“Oh, I’m Hyacinth, dear
I have been looking after you.”
Not what I wanted to know
I took a deep breath
“Who am I?”
Hyacinth looked close to tears
“Oh darling, you don’t remember?”
My expression answered
“To tell you the truth, dear”
She spoke carefully
“I don’t know,
You were the only survivor
We didn’t find any other bodies to tell us about you
I’m so sorry, darling.”
I took a minute
So much to absorb
A sudden thought
My voice worked better
“Parents?”
Hyacinth looked heartbroken
She spoke softly
“Oh, Angel
Your parents were lost.”
I couldn’t remember their faces
Or what they were like
Still, I felt pain
It started in my chest
Then slowly swam outward
It felt
As if part of my heart
Was missing
A hole in my chest
My parents were lost
Then
I blacked out.
When I awoke
In a different room
Hyacinth was there
I cleared my throat
She looked up
“I can speak now.”
My voice sounded rough
Even in my ears
“Who am I?
I must know.”
I demanded weakly
Again she replied
“Oh, darling
I don’t know.”
She doesn’t know?
“Your flight information was lost
The power went out
In the airport
It was all online
It got deleted
We are tracking your records
Until we find them
We don’t know
Where you came from
Who your parents are
How old you are
We don’t know.”
I was lost
I had a family
A home
Friends
I went to school
Did I play sports?
Now
I don’t remember any of it
Hyacinth was talking
She liked to talk
“…you must be very hungry
I’ll get you some food
Do you remember what you like?”
No
I don’t
“N-no”
My voice
Giving out
“N-need w-water”
Hyacinth nodded
Then she left
I was alone
I started to wonder
What was my life like?
My mind began imagining…
I had lots of money
I had lots of pets
I had many friends
I was popular at school
I had a loving family…
I shook my head
Only fantasies
But
I had to know
Who am I?
Who was I?
Hyacinth returned
Chattering excitedly
“Mmmm… this soup
Smells delicious
Minestrone
My favorite
I hope you like it!”
The soup did smell good.
I realized how hungry I was
The soup tasted
Better than it smelled
I devoured the bowlful
Hyacinth brought more
I devoured that too
When I was done
I felt warm
Full
Comfortable
I drifted off
Into easy sleep
I dreamt
I was living in a cloud
A cozy cloud
The air smelled like
Baking cake
The cloud tasted like
Cotton candy
When I awoke
My legs felt sore
I had been lying down
For a while
“Hyacinth?”
She came rushing over
“Yes, Darling?”
“Help my stand
Please”
I reached out my hand
Hyacinth helped me stand
My legs wobbled
I was stiff
Finally
I balanced myself
Hyacinth let go
I walked around the room
There was a desk
In the corner
On the desk
Was pen and paper
I held the pen in my hand
It felt nice
Like it was meant to be
I wrote the first letter to come in my head
A
The first letter of the alphabet
But it felt like more
I thought
Then I understood
Writing it felt natural
I must have written it a lot
My name!
My name must begin with A!
I knew it
My name
A
“Hyacinth!”
Hyacinth grinned
As I explained to her
“Do you remember more?”
I tried
Nothing came
Hyacinth sighed
But continued to smile
She smiled a lot
“We’re one step closer!”
She said
Later that day
Hyacinth brought me a book
A baby name book
Together
We looked through A names
Crossing out names that didn’t feel or sound right
When we were done
There were 78 possible names
I had a thought
“What if
My name is not in this book?”
Hyacinth shrugged
“Who knows?”
The next few days
Went by quickly
When not sleeping
I was walking
Or drawing
Or reading
Or writing
I loved to write
The way the words flow
Intrigued me
When I wrote
I felt free
Sometimes I looked at names
I was down to 34
One day
Hyacinth burst in
I was writing
I looked up
She looked frazzled
“We need to get you dressed”
I looked down at my hospital gown
“Why?”
“News reporters are coming
Interviewing you”
She sounded stressed
I wasn’t sure
Was I ready?
But I didn’t say anything
I put on the clothes
Hyacinth provided me
Then followed her out
We walked
Down hallways
She opened a door
I went through
Immediately
I was blinded with camera flashes
There were dozens
I blinked
Momentarily seeing spots
Reporters filled the room
I looked back to Hyacinth
For encouragement
She nodded
I took a deep breath
I knew what they wanted
A good story
“Hello”
I began
Again
Blinded by camera flashes
This was going to be a long interview.
I spoke again
“Please,
Turn down your flashes.”
I don’t think
They expected me to say this
They started writing down
Every word I said
Until
They realized what I had said
They quickly
Turned down the flashes
But
Not before snapping another shot
Blinded.
One reporter
Held a microphone toward me
She asked
“Do you remember the crash?”
I thought
“No
The first thing I remember
The cold water.”
The others wrote what I said down
Another lady
Pushed forward
“So you remember nothing of your previous life?”
She said it casually
As if talking about the weather
‘Do you remember if it was sunny yesterday?’
This angered me
I wanted to cry
Scream
You don’t know what it’s like!
Not knowing
Who you are
Who you were!
It is painful
I feel lost
All the time
But
I didn’t say that
She probably
Would have liked me to, though
I was not going to give her the satisfaction.
“No.”
I answered calmly
That was all I said
I couldn’t face any more
Remaining calm
A man came next
“Have you had any flashbacks?
Things that remind you of your past?”
I was about to answer no
I stopped
I wasn’t giving them
Much to work with
“My name
Begins with A”
A murmur swept the room
“How do you know?”
Someone asked
“It felt right
When I wrote it”
Pens scratched across paper
Each reporter rushing to write down what I said
I decided to tell my story
It wasn’t a good story
But it gave information
To write about
I began
“The first thing I remember
Cold
Icy cold…”
After talking
Ten minutes straight
My throat was dry
I ended quickly
“…now I am here
Talking to you.”
At once
Everyone started talking
Hyacinth ushered my from the room
Smiling
Waving cheerfully
As soon as we were in the hallway
The smile
Slid off her face
She groaned
Stretched her back
“You
Shouldn’t be talking to reporters
In your condition.”
Wasn’t sure what
“My condition”
Was
I had hope
Unlike Hyacinth
New hope
Maybe
Someone who knew me
Would read
The article
Watch
The news channel
With my story in it
They could tell me
Who I am!
I explained
To Hyacinth
She said
It’s a possibility
She seemed unsure
I soon found out why.
The first letter
Came the next day
It read:

You found Alexis!
This is her best friend
Sara
Alexis,
You live near me in Sedona Arizona
I was so worried
When you never came home
From vacation
Call me!

There was a phone number
At the bottom
I got excited
Very excited
Alexis
Hyacinth frowned
“We crossed off Alexis
In the name book
Your plane
Didn’t come from Arizona
There were no flights from Arizona
In the airport
Where you got on the plane
This seems like fraud.”
I thought
Alexis did sound wrong.

Letters like that came
Every day
I read them all
Just in case
Threw out most of them
I kept nine
They sounded real
They were:

Amanda
Aidyn
Arissa
Alia
Arianna
Alicia
Amelia
Abigayle
Adrianne

But which one?
If any
It confused me
Why did people lie
About my past
I asked Hyacinth
She said
Some thought it was funny
I did not
Some wanted the attention
I did not
One might be true
That, I want
I read
Reread
The letters brought hope
I decided
I’m not

Amelia
Abigayle
Amanda

Hyacinth brought the article
I made front page
Title read:
The Only Survivor of the Herring Bridge Crash Has No Memory of Previous Life
I read the article
My words were twisted
I sounded confused
Pathetic
Unsure
Wimpy
Vulnerable
Scared at life
Whimpering about my memory loss
I frowned
“Do I really sound
So pathetic?”
Hyacinth shook her head
No
You sound strong.
“Sure about your future
Rather than
Unsure about your past.”
I was angry
I found the number
In Yellow Pages
“Hello,
This is the
Today Post
This is Hillary speaking”
I asked for the author
My article author
“Not another
“Friend” or “relative”
Of the girl?!
Poor thing
She’s been through a lot
Why would you bother her
With false claims
Of her previous life?
As pathetic
And vulnerable
As she is.”
That did it.
“No
This is…”
I looked at my name list
I chose one
Randomly
“Alia
I am the
Pathetic
Vulnerable
Girl from the article”
I used my most
Forceful
Haughty
Strong
Voice
I paused
There was an awkward silence.
Hillary coughed
“I thought
You didn’t know your name.”
“I do now.”
“Okay
Hold on a sec.”
Hillary handed the phone
To Ray Silverstein
My article’s author
“Yes?”
His voice was nasally
I told him
So unfair!
He said
“It’s all in the story
Kid.”
He hung up
I.
Was.
Furious.
Between
The false article
And fake letters
Why?
I cried
And cried
Until
I was out of tears
Hyacinth walked in
She gasped
I was a wreck
My eyes
Red and puffy
My nose
Running
My lips
Quavering in an almost sob
My hair
In a tangled knot on my head
“What happened?!”
I told her
“Oh, Angel
I’m sorry
But”
Good news!
I looked up at her
“W-what?”
“We found your plane’s flight information
And tracked it to your birth certificate
We know who you are!”
She handed me paper
My birth certificate!
Who I am!
I gasped
My name
Alia Scheron
Alia!
I knew it!
“You are from San Diego California
Your late parents
Martha and Flynn Scheron
You went to
Southbrooke High School
You are fifteen years old
Your sixteenth birthday
May 15
That’s in two weeks!
Congratulations Alia.”
I was so excited
It can’t be put
Into words
The next day
We took the train
To my grandmother’s house
She lived near to my old house
She was overjoyed
When she learned
I was alive
I was going to live with her
I was nervous
I couldn’t remember
Grandma
Still
I felt in my heart
Excitement
Love
We pulled into her driveway
In a rental car
I took a deep breath
Exited the car
Knocked on her door
A kind looking old lady
Curly gray hair
Bright green eyes
“Oh, Alia”
She hugged me
I hugged her back
“Grandma!
She started crying
“I suppose you don’t really remember me
Come inside
I will tell you about our family”
As I walked inside
It felt right
I had been here before
I knew it
I smiled
I was home.