The One that Failed

May 28, 2013
By Metalhead08 GOLD, Port Republic, Maryland
Metalhead08 GOLD, Port Republic, Maryland
15 articles 0 photos 78 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I'd rather hate you for everything you are. Than ever love you for something you are not. " FFDP "You're born alone and you die alone" FFDP "I wonder out where you can't see, inside my shell I wait and bleed." Slipknot " If youre 555 then I am 666"


The one that failed me was the one
I am supposed to trust most.
The one I am supposed to hold close.
The one my mother told me to believe in.
The one I am supposed to put my faith in.
To me,
The one that failed me is dead.
The one to me is a cold, rotting corpse in my mind,
That sits at the judges desk.
Telling us what we did right
And what we do wrong
Passing judgements on our every mistake.
Making me contemplate every move I make.
To me,
The war between good and evil,
Is no use to battle,
Or fight.
My mind is overrun,
The one that failed me forgot to protect me.
Left me abandoned and broken,
Alone, and vulnerable
For the world to see.
Heartbroken and lost,
The one that failed me is gone
Away out of my mind...


The author's comments:
Metallica inspired...

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This article has 2 comments.


on Jun. 11 2013 at 7:20 pm
Metalhead08 GOLD, Port Republic, Maryland
15 articles 0 photos 78 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I'd rather hate you for everything you are. Than ever love you for something you are not. " FFDP "You're born alone and you die alone" FFDP "I wonder out where you can't see, inside my shell I wait and bleed." Slipknot " If youre 555 then I am 666"

With this poem i didnt want to get offensive with anyone, and i was reffering to God, however i knew if i wrote this poem the way i wanted it would be once again denied... I will work on improving this one! Thank you once again, i really enjoy your way of replying to my work :)

ephemeral GOLD said...
on May. 30 2013 at 7:26 am
ephemeral GOLD, Park City, Utah
17 articles 0 photos 52 comments

Favorite Quote:
"All that is gold does not glitter/Not all those who wander are lost/The old that is strong does not wither/Deep roots are not reached by the frost"

For the topic that you chose, which I personally endorse, you're really lacking pathos. You did well portraying the person that "failed", but you don't complete the poem with clear emotions or feelings towards the person. They left you broken, and how do you feel about that? Did you forget them over time? Do you resent them? Do you wish feverishly that they hadn't failed? As a reader I definitely want to know about your emotions to flesh out the poem. I love the inspiration source, though


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