A Broken Door

May 21, 2013
By Metalhead08 GOLD, Port Republic, Maryland
Metalhead08 GOLD, Port Republic, Maryland
15 articles 0 photos 78 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I'd rather hate you for everything you are. Than ever love you for something you are not. " FFDP "You're born alone and you die alone" FFDP "I wonder out where you can't see, inside my shell I wait and bleed." Slipknot " If youre 555 then I am 666"


Your eyes show demise
From those you despise.
Blood tears fall from your heartbroken eyes
I know it's no lie, you don't want to say good-bye.

For you open the broken door
I don't want to scream anymore.
Deep down in my core
Blood sits at my slit wrists ready to pour.

I fall in the darkness of the abyss
Satan smiles as I do this.
I still remember our very first kiss
It's those times I dearly miss.

Drowning under the tears I have cried for you
I want to undo.
I fell in yours arms, and just knew
My feelings only grew.

It is only you I deeply desire,
For you I aspire.
My secret admire,
While sitting close to the fire.

This feeling for you is taking hold of
All I have ever known, my love.
You’re my angel, my strength, my dove
You are most important even in darkness you come above.

I love you with all my heart,
Even from the very start.
I can’t stand to be apart
From you, you are my good part

You’re the one thing that I like about me
If I am lost at sea, you will be
The key
There to unlock me

Your presence
Is essential essence
What a wonderful pleasance?
Quite a fine balance

You are the one I love deeply so
With all my soul.
You complete me and make me whole,
Take me and make me yours once more…


The author's comments:
This was a piece I wrote just to express what I am feeling. Still the same guy, thats what happens i guess when you are in love... Rate and Comment please!

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This article has 2 comments.


on May. 24 2013 at 3:35 pm
LexusMarie PLATINUM, Las Cruces, New Mexico
27 articles 0 photos 423 comments

Favorite Quote:
The more control you have over yourself, the less control others have over you.

Hey there! I like the concept here and I thought that this was very different from most love poems.. you went a very, very dark route with this, it feels very evil almost. It was gory! And the ending is a bit lighter. And the picture lightens the mood a tad. I felt like the rhymes were super repetitive.. like, in the first one each one was an 'i' sound. And the second was 'or'. Which is fine, because it's your poem.. I just like to see some diversity in rhymes. I try to usually do aa bb aa bb and so on. Or ab ab ab ab. But, again it's your poem. The only other thing is in the eighth stanza, you say 'If I am lost at sea, you will be The key There to unlock me' and I did not see how being lost at sea and a key really related. I felt like maybe you could change that and replace the lines about the key into something like an achor! Those are my only two suggestions. Overall, good job.

on May. 23 2013 at 10:47 am
Metalhead08 GOLD, Port Republic, Maryland
15 articles 0 photos 78 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I'd rather hate you for everything you are. Than ever love you for something you are not. " FFDP "You're born alone and you die alone" FFDP "I wonder out where you can't see, inside my shell I wait and bleed." Slipknot " If youre 555 then I am 666"

Please rate, comment,and enjoy! i need criticial critizism!


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