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The world

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The world is a scary, lonely and dark place at times
The world can also be
happy and full of light
The world can seem so dreary
The world can also be
full of happiness
The world can be hating on you seem to feel so angry
The world can also
be calm and lovely
Which world do you want....?



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TraceOfSpadesThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 8, 2013 at 7:14 pm:
Another piece that emphasizes a strong simplicity through shortened structure. Hmm, to be honest, I definitely feel as though there needs to be more elaboration here, something to kick-start the poem and give it a more personal vibe. Maybe, take this poem, and re-work it based around the world in which YOU personally live, and then draw it back to how we all choose our own worlds. It would add a rouch of your humanity to it, while alos retaining a lasting message to all who read it.
 
Desiraay replied...
May 8, 2013 at 7:23 pm :
again thanks i really apreciate the advice
 
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BlueDolphin612 said...
May 8, 2013 at 7:12 pm:
It captures the world we live in perfectly. But the conclusion is kinda brief. I would personally make it longer and not a question. But it is just me! :)
 
Desiraay replied...
May 8, 2013 at 7:22 pm :
thanks(: that really is good i just try to make it quick n to the point..
 
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