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Forgive For Myself

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What do you see when you look at me?
A shy girl who sits in a corner
All alone, never genuinely happy
Whatever you see, it’s a thin mask
That conceals my pain
The pain that nobody bothers to see
The deep, throbbing pain
That follows me, and never goes away

Underneath that normal exterior
There’s a girl who wants to cry
Every second of every day
Because she’s been rejected

If you delve deeper you’ll find
An abused girl who has had
Her fair share of heartbreaks
More than she deserves

And a heart that still beating
Even though it’s been beaten
By words and stabbed by vulgar actions

I wish I was like those other girls
Who have not a care in the world
Although I can’t change my past
I can make my future better and brighter

Prove to him that I’m worth sticking around for
That was only the first act
I have a lot more in store
For the people who love me
Enough to stick around
And not abandon me when
I need them most
Like he did that fateful day

And I hope he’s satisfied
He lost me forever, he’s permanently stranded
On an island called loneliness
With no company at all
Decent human beings have beating hearts
Unlike him he just has a gaping hole
Filed to the brim with nothingness

I beat the odds set for me
I ran far, far away from that
Sorry excuse for a man
The one who controlled every
Single aspect of my life

He has taught me a lesson though,
Every time I isolate myself
I become trapped in a locker full of hurt
But only I have the key to put an end
To my sorrows and unlock it
I’ll stay trapped and enclosed
Until I forgive him
Not for him… but for myself

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ashesonyx said...
May 14, 2013 at 9:38 pm
aspiringpoet - Wow!  Your poem is so deep and actually brough tears to my eyes.  I can relate.  Keep writing through your pain -- I can tell it is helping you grow as a person.  Stay strong!
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