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I give in.
I eat.
And keep eating.
I punish myself by indulging.
It's always the next phase.
First it's just a bite, then a complete binge.
I feel gross, heavy over the next few days.
Then I feel absolutely disgusting.
Five, maybe seven pounds bigger.
I look forward to not eating.
But I keep going, punishing, until I can't take it.
Then finally! No more breakfast, a salad for lunch, light dinner.
I feel clean, purified, lighter.
That's how it is.
That's how it's always been.
Phase after phase, the cycle never breaks.

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