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A Tropical Paradise This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.


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Lying on the beach
With sunglasses on your face
Shielding the harsh sunlight from your eyes.
You cover your skin with SPF 25.
Sand makes its way into your sandals,
but you don’t mind.
Off in the distance music is being played
on steel drums.
They set the mood of your whole vacation:
relaxation.
You see the boats drift by with their brightly
colored sides
And you hold onto your tropical drink that tastes
like bananas
With its tiny umbrella hanging off the side.
It makes you smile.
You wonder if the sailors on the boat are as
peaceful as you are.
Worries escape you as you drift into your own oasis
And your home life becomes something of the past.
Almost unreal.
You smell coconut everywhere you go
And wonder if you’ll miss it when you leave.
All you hear is the crashing of the waves.
All you can feel is your newly burnt skin.
All that matters is nothing.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.




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ellie315This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 30, 2010 at 9:41 pm:

this flows really well; which is really good because since the poem is about relaxing on the beach and sinking into this state where nothing else matters, if the poem was awkard and abrupt and choppy, well it just wouldnt work.

good job! reminds me of my vacation in hawaii

 
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. said...
Aug. 30, 2010 at 9:16 pm:
ROck on!! This sure hit the spot. Luv your flow of descriptions and your overall writing style. I could easily picture this scene in my head. makes me want to go to the beach right now!! :D
 
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GemValley250This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Aug. 30, 2010 at 9:59 am:
Wow that was really good! Loved your discriptions and your setting...It is a nice, relaxing, peaceful poem- can't wait to hear your next one!
 
WickedPrincess replied...
Aug. 30, 2010 at 6:47 pm :
on vacation on the beach in the bahamas right now  an i like this better!
 
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Macx14 said...
Aug. 8, 2010 at 8:46 am:
Phenomenal! Keep writing like this and you could publish a book one day:)
 
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whalecare said...
Jul. 17, 2010 at 2:37 pm:
This is impeciable !  you did an amazing job capturing it. I could feel myself slipping deeper and deeper into an undisturbed sleep, with waves crashing against my toes while i watch as attractive tanned men walk by my newly freckled face
 
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imrighthereyouknow said...
Jun. 25, 2010 at 6:55 pm:
i thought it was alright. idk. while i was reading it i kept thinking i was going to find out something that happened to the person, or something like that, but then nothing happened. it was just a description of a day at the beach. peaceful, but lacking in emotion and depth.
 
DifferentTeenThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 8, 2010 at 8:06 am :
I agree, it was very good but just, blah you know?
 
starlight26 replied...
Aug. 8, 2010 at 1:47 pm :
I loved the beautiful description! I could really relate to it but yes, i do think it could have had more emotion .And maybe an idea that the poem revolves around? But then again, this is a very relaxing and inspiration-based poem so overall, it just depends on your point of view. Personally, I think you did a great job!! :) Check out some of my work if you'd like!
 
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notebookgirlThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jun. 3, 2010 at 7:18 pm:
i really liked reading this piece. i just flew home from florida and it was absolutely depressing for my vacation to end but this describes pretty well how i felt while i was there
 
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SarahJumps said...
Jun. 3, 2010 at 6:48 pm:
i like the eneding lines :)
 
starlight26 replied...
Aug. 8, 2010 at 1:47 pm :
I agree :)
 
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Syarra_Greenwood said...
Jun. 3, 2010 at 3:25 pm:
it was a decent poem but not all together the best i hav ever read maybe if u like put something behind it it would be better idk but keep it up and ull find ur place (:
 
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MacKaylaJo said...
Jun. 3, 2010 at 1:10 pm:
I didnt really like this. It didnt seem like a poem to me. just a description.
 
DevonW. replied...
Jun. 3, 2010 at 11:17 pm :
ya same here. it was alright :)
 
RideTheWave replied...
Apr. 7, 2011 at 5:20 pm :
I agree. it was okay. descriptive but it didnt have a meaning or any emotion. as a fellow poet, i have written some poems that are like this and lacking some depth.
 
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StarlightStormcloud said...
Jun. 3, 2010 at 12:13 am:
This is just a couple sentences with random line breaks.  It captures being at the beach because that's all it describes!  Seriously, where are the poems with true dimension?  
 
IgniteTheAirwaves This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jun. 3, 2010 at 7:53 am :
I completely agree. I don't dislike this poem, but it's very fruity and lacks any sort of depth. Maybe even if you tried to put an old memory behind it while you're writing, it may help.
 
livelovelaugh35 replied...
Jun. 3, 2010 at 9:57 am :
I agree with IgniteTheAirwaves. I don't not like this poem, it definitely does a good job bringing the reader back the beach, I just think if you want more depth and meaning in the poem you could think about maybe one specific memory. Great job though!
 
shootingdreams replied...
Jun. 25, 2010 at 8:04 pm :

I third! I just kind of don't see the..passion and emotion...

It doesn't lift me up. Sure, going to the beach is great, but why should it matter?

 
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