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Uncertainty

My history book stares back at me,
Emotionlessly, daring me
To step back down to earth.
But up here, my mind is abstract,
Wondering blankly which emotion will come next,
Stumbling over its own thoughts klutzily,
Just because I heard your beautiful laugh.

It all seems to crush me, and even so,
You’re unaware of all the anguish I go through.
All the friends I’ve ever wanted,
The qualities of life I’m questing for,
Spread around you in a perfect circle.

In my world, you might be the sun,
Softly pulling me the closer I get.
Other stars have me in their orbit,
But for now I face you,
And the sunlight of your smile lets me grow.

I hope you don’t hate me, like you did last year,
When your hands touched me, but in anger,
And my psyche shattered.
I cried all the way home, not for your cruelty,
But for the broken person I had become,
And that you had to be the one to show me.

For you, my poems stretch endlessly
Like now, because stopping would drag me
Back down to my history book.
Because thinking of you never gets old.
Because I have to stow it away now
Before I’m forced to face your beauty again.
For you, I deny the nagging voices
That tell me it’s a crush.
Well, it’s a good crush, and nothing else matters
Except that I can still see you every day.
For you, I bury my reason and ramble
On and on about your smile.

If you knew, would you do anything?
I don’t know what I want.
Either heart-shattering defeat or meaningless ignorance
For now, let’s pretend I don’t exist,
And I can only admire you from afar,
Because love or hate would overpower me,
And avoidance would starve me,
So for now, I drink in your happiness
And make it my own.
You’re too great for me to handle,
And this is enough for now.

I like to think that if you read this,
You’d smile.




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This article has 5 comments. Post your own!

deeplythinking said...
today at 3:20 pm:
Wow, haha this is great! I like where you say "my poems stretch endlessly" and it is the first of the longest stanzas.  Your voice added with the structure makes this poem great
 
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LiraDaeris said...
May 3, 2013 at 7:15 pm:
The first and third stanzas are my favorite. Definite gem lines in there. The contrast between the emotionless and dead history book and your falling in love, and the astronomy of her pulling you from orbit. GREAT images. Made my inner literary fangirl all happy inside. Your reaction is unique, too, and I do enjoy this. When you communicate in your images, your writing really stands out, so keep working with what you've done because you know you can do it. Good job!
 
readaholicThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
May 3, 2013 at 7:19 pm :
Lol thank you!!!!
 
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LexusMarieThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
May 1, 2013 at 11:02 pm:
Hey there! Wow, I have not read your work in awhile. It is so nice and refreshing to read the work of such a talented writer. I am so impressed with all your work. You put so much thought and honesty into your work. It never feels forced or rushed, it just goes on so nicely as I am sure this mystery person you write for's smile does. I tend to keep away fron non-rhyming poems, maybe because I am not able to write good non-rhyming poems and I am jealous, but whatever the reason it does not ma... (more »)
 
readaholicThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
May 2, 2013 at 6:51 pm :
Really, really, thank you so much!  I'm never sure about my poetry, but you've inspired me!  Realy, thank you for all your support!
 
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