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when I fell asleep I used to see

when I fell asleep I used to see
burning cities burning lips and tarnished keys
and you,
longlimbed thinfingered apparition,
stretching your world to meet mine
but out of time.

when I fell asleep I felt the pain
of chord progression dream regression shame
and you,
longlimbed thinfingered apparition,
pushing your island away from mine
and all in time
I know I will wake up.



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lily_sings said...
Apr. 24, 2013 at 9:36 am
I absolutely adore this poem...we share similar thought processes in terms of word choice and metaphors :)
 
MckayThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 17, 2013 at 1:31 pm
You are amazing with that capturing of human helplessness and hoplessness. I think it's you forte; that's just me. Last lines capture that. No matter how hard we try to retain what we have now; eventually it all fades away—freinds, family, life, and our ex-es and present lovers.
 
MyApocalypticThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Apr. 19, 2013 at 12:39 pm
Your feedback always makes me look at my poetry in a different way. I see that it reflects a lot more of my personal Universeview than I thought it does... mostly I just see it as rambling. But, no matter what we have lost, or WILL lose, there is always ghosts and shadows of it all in everything we are.
 
MckayThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Apr. 22, 2013 at 2:28 pm
I view my poetry pretty much the same way as the rambling of my mind. Although, I see your "rambling" as clearer and more poetic.
 
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