March 9, 2013
By , Pleasanton, CA
Words forever frozen
Dreams suspended in ice
Young, stupid love
always comes at a price.

You were my everything
My joy and my pain,
Gone, like the summer breeze
Followed by a hurricane.

Now when I see that pretty
brunette I wave,
Wondering if she'll curl up
in your arms, so safe.

Now music blares and lights flash surreal.
Guided by strange hands,
I'll just forget you
and dance.

I'll shout, giggle,
Whisper in boys' ears.
Friends will say it's as if
You never held me near.

Yet when my eyes close
You're standing by the palm trees
And I never will forget
How we laughed with such ease.

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This article has 3 comments. Post your own now!

xBaByGiRrL22x said...
Mar. 15, 2013 at 10:49 pm
I LOVE this. So relatable. And I love your description: "Boys." That made me laugh. I have to say, although I agree with you, I have been lucky enough to meet some very special guys and I wouldn't give them up for the world. I really like this piece, please keep writing! :)
phlogiston This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 15, 2013 at 3:28 pm
I loved this so much! I could feel the emotion so well. Great job!
GinryuStargazer said...
Mar. 15, 2013 at 1:51 pm
I understand you were trying to depict emotions: this was achieved. However, I believe this could've been done in a more creative, poetic way. You had some decent, original images; i.e. the summer breeze, the glaring music, that held symbols to express what you want. Try more of that; you have stanzas that are fraught with cliche or very forward statements (the latter is not always negative, however). Vibrant diction, choosing words to portray the pain, makes a world of difference!
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