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Golden Ink and Going Back

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I thought I was in love with that four-year old red-haired boy
Shining in a silver knight costume with a black dragon sewn on
Because I was in the pink Sleeping Beauty Dress

I was a good Belle, too
(Back when I hadn’t picked up a book
Except for the blue one with the golden pages
Brimming with witches and fairies and magic)

I wanted to be a princess, back then
They were the ones who always found love, at the end
I wanted to be Wendy, too
Because she wore a blue nightgown and learned to fly
Now, I’d rather be Peter Pan, honestly
Because he managed to swerve this whole ordeal of growing up
(And maybe a little because of the flying)

Now, I just want to go back

Back when the only kissing I thought about
Was in The Princess and the Frog
And the only houses I had to be weary of
Were houses made of candy

Back when the only disappointment
Was when my parents were too tired to read me a bedtime story
Or when I found out that the real Little Mermaid
Dies by Hans Christian Andersen’s hand

Back when the only person I looked up to
Was the giant at the top of the beanstalk
When I thought evil was always defeated
And love always won

Back when the only bad word I knew
Was when I tripped over my golden-paged book
(I probably left it on the floor)
And called it “stupid”
And all the other words were considered good

Because how can a word be bad?
When it lulls you to sleep every night
And whispers promises about kingdoms far, far away
How can they be forbidden you?
When they are “happily”, “ever”, and “after”
And at that, you doze off peacefully
With the knowledge that a pair of arms will greet you in the morning
Instead of the blaring of alarm clocks ripping you from your dreams
Dreams of giants and fairies and kings and queens

And then you’re thrown out

So you go out wearing high-heels
Go out with high expectations
Go out and move to a city with higher buildings
Where you’ll have high self-esteem
Because it’s high time you hide your feelings and name a higher price
Where you’ll be yelled at “Go out!
Go out and get a job!
Go out and bring back money!
Go out and live the life you want to live!”
But then you whimper
Ever so quietly
“I want to live in the fairytales”

But you go out anyway
Go out and get married
In the hope you’ll find your love story
Fresh off the printer and the ink still wet
You go out and have kids
In the hope Peter won’t skip over your house
Like he did when you were still young
One day, you’ll go out and discover you’re old
And your only hope at starring in a fairytale
Is as Granny
Lying sick and surrounded by her little Reds

Now that all those stories are inked in my brain
It’s easy to not think about them
The silver armor and pink dresses
You trade them in for a silver sink and a cheap drink
All before you have the chance to blink

And maybe I still have time
To lose myself in the fairytales
But time runs out
And the ticking crocodile’s clock might one day stop
And I’ll be thrown out of the Lost Boys’ hideout
Or I’ll go out to buy milk, one day
And when I turn around, blink
Neverland will have disappeared
Or I’ll have taken one to many showers, and blink
All the fairy dust has washed off

It’ll be a truly sad day
When the ugly duckling finds she’s lost her wings




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