Our Bodies Are A Bit Slow On The Uptake

February 27, 2013
“Everyone dies, Alanna,”
I know that everyone dies,
I have already buried too many people,
I have been to more funerals than birthday parties,
When they handed me the box full of his ashes
I refused to give it back,
I would not let go,
They had to take him from me by force,
In the cemetery a soldier gave me
A folded up flag and a thousand apologies
But they were not enough,
They will never be enough,
I still miss each and every one of them

“Everyone dies”
I know, but,
“Everyone dies”
I know, I know,
Of course I know that everyone dies,
How could I ever forget?
I miss them so much,
I still feel their presence in my bones
Even though I know they’re never coming back
”Everyone dies,
Did you really think she would be the exception?”

“She is running out of time,
The clock is ticking, Alanna,
She is dieing,
She is dieing,”
She is dieing, she is dieing, she is dieing,
You are dieing,
Why are you dieing?
It was not supposed to be like this,
You were supposed to recover,
We were supposed to be happy,
Why are you dieing?

“The sooner you accept it,
The sooner you will be able to move on”
Move on,
As if this is some kind of teenage break up,
As if you are not important to me,
As if I am going to recover from this,
There is no way I am going to recover from this,
Its like shooting a hole in someones lung
And then asking then to walk it off,
I will never move on,
I refuse to accept anything about this,
You are not allowed to die
You told me you would love me forever,
This is not forever,
You are not allowed to die

“She isn’t going to be around for much longer,
You should cherish what little time you have left”
You are dieing,
Our time together is limited,
Your life has been reduced to a countdown timer
Attached to a bomb,
And I cannot bear to be in the same room as you,
It is just too painful,
When I look at you I remember everything we’ve done,
I remember all the times you said you loved me,
When you look at me you do not recognize me,
You cannot remember my name,
Being near you feels like
Having every bone in my body broken one by one,
You died a long time ago,
But your body is just now realizing it,
I wonder when my body will start shutting down,
When it will realize that I am no longer here,
I couldn’t bear to let you go alone.

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