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your eyes

your eyes are grey like ash
still warm from a fire
they pierce right through me
leaving me breathless and confused
exhausted
i can't resist you
i want you to lead me
in the dark
wherever you go
i will follow
you have no mercy
together we have no
regrets
I ve given you everything
everything i have left
please sever me off
make me forget....yes



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MyApocalypticThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 22, 2013 at 3:01 pm
Wow. The intensity of this simple poem reveals the emotion behind it. I love the comparisons you make- far from cliche. You have a great style, and I genuinely hope to see more from you!
 
SarahGrac3 said...
Apr. 16, 2013 at 7:15 pm
I loved this! It had so much meaning which was really impressive. I don't have any critiques.
 
SarClark said...
Mar. 31, 2013 at 9:49 pm
It's hard sometimes to write meaningful, short freeverse, but I really really liked your lines (especially the first two ~) and I liked the ending. Some of the wording was a little bit confusing but I think it sort of actually fits with your style of writing! Excellent job.
 
JettaWintryThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 31, 2013 at 10:55 am
Wonderful! I ADORE the first two lines!! The ending was a bit of a twist, but I liked it! Continue to write as wonderfully as you do! BTW, these would make fantastic song lyrics.
 
TheEpic95This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Mar. 29, 2013 at 1:01 am
Beautiful and enrapturing.
 
MckayThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 17, 2013 at 10:35 pm
You have Kay Ryan's simple yet sophisticated style. Can't wait for your future works. Do continue to write more stuff like this. Check out Kay Ryan's work to see what I mean if you don't know what I'm talking about. P.S She's last year's Pulitzer Prize winner for poetry (I think).
 
jonpettigrew replied...
Apr. 5, 2013 at 12:13 pm
thanks for suggesting him, He's now one of my favorite poets
 
jonpettigrew replied...
Apr. 5, 2013 at 12:16 pm
i meant she lol
 
MckayThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Apr. 6, 2013 at 2:43 pm
I'm glad you like her work. What's your faovrite Kay Ryan poem?
 
RarelyJadedThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 13, 2013 at 10:49 pm
This is so sad! I loved your imagery and your lack of capitalization, very clever :P
 
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