"This time, it will be different,"
I tell myself again.
"This time, I'll do it right."
It's the same thing I said then.
"I'll do it right, it'll be okay."
I can't say for sure if I'm lying.
"I'm older now, I know what I want."
What if I end up crying?
Stupid and naive I was before,
But am I so different now?
So many times I've tried to do this,
And this time is different how?
"I know who I am, I know what I want.
This time I won't chicken out."
Of course this is true, I know it is,
But still I'm filled with doubt.
"I love him more than anything,
And now I just need to tell him."
True, true once again,
But what if he thinks me dim?
I'm so much younger than he,
And what if he thinks me a child?
Maybe the difference isn't so vast,
But I've always been a little wild.
He loved me once, despite all that,
Why can't he love me again?
I love him even now, despite everything,
Despite everywhere I've been.
Of all the memories I have of him,
The one I cherish most is his eyes.
They were so filled with love, love for me,
And I wonder if for me he cried.
Now all I have to do is say the words,
I know he'll at least hear me out and understand
That I need to say this, no matter what,
That I need to pour my heart into his hands.