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You Don't Know This But

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You sit there staring into space, leaning forward, hands on knees, not noticing me looking,
Those worn black shoes you always wear are tapping along with the music,
For a second your lips twitch upward as if to smile, only to fall back into that pained expression,
That look on your face right then, do you know that it kills me? It makes me feel as if someone has stabbed me in the gut,
And it makes me wonder if you were thinking of me; of the memories you have of us and do those memories make you happy like they do me; but then do you suddenly realize that we can’t make any more of those memories and that’s why the look returns?
So now my expression mimics yours
I examine the charcoal grey V-neck you wear,
Silently, I wish I still had the privilege to be able to feel its soft cotton as you wrap me in a hug,
I notice little pieces of fur on your bag and wonder if it comes from your cat that you love so much,
You don’t know it, but I’m constantly conscious of every move you make,
My heart breaks a little each time I look at you because you were the only one I let my guard down to, and you don’t know this and maybe you wouldn’t want to, but I think I could have loved you
I loved the tangy-sweet smell of your cologne and the way your brown eyes turned to mush when you saw me,
Thinking these thoughts may not be just, but you’re like a drug for me and I’m the addict left wanting more after everything’s gone
Oh how I hate what I’ve caused us to become but it seemed to me that you wanted this too
And you don’t know this but, you’re always on my mind every day, every minute, every time.



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