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They Don't Know, They Don't See

I watch everyday
As though I’m separate from my body
I go through in a haze
My mind is clouded in a fog

Can they hear?
My heart is as loud as a piercing shriek
Pounding hard against my ribs

Can they see?
The tremors wracking my body?
My breath coming fast and short

I see
In the mirror
Not who I used to be
Now I see a frightened girl
Trying on so many faces to please everyone else

They don’t know
They don’t see

Both of my parents are dying
I look at them and see them withering away
None of us talk about it
I guess it’s good I’m good at hiding my crybaby fits

And then I plant a smile of a mask
On my face when I pull up to school
Suck in my breath and hide all my fears
Swallow back all my tears

They don’t know
They don’t see

I’m told I never let anyone in
But how can I?
When all I know is betrayal and pain?

I suddenly turn bind
When I get to school
I pretend everything is fine
But I know
Its not, none of it is

I’m struggling at night
I cry myself to sleep
Thinking over my day

I tell myself
Their bullies
They always have been
And always will be

I tell myself
They were never your true friends in the first place

I see
Their snickers behind their hands
Their taunting faces when I look at them

I hear
Their taunting voices as they comment about me
Their shrill laughter ringing in my ears

I tell myself
They’re bullies
I’m glad they’ve got nothing else to do
But make me the center of their world

Because
They don’t know
They don’t see

My parents are dying
My brother is out of control

Every night I crumble to my knees
Face to the sky, tears on my cheeks

Everyday I pull up to school
It’s hard to leave my parents
But I can’t stand to watch it anymore so I do leave

Everyday I pull up to school
A lightening streak of fear strikes my heart
I don’t want to be there anymore

They don’t know
They don’t see

They’re only bullies
I tell myself
I’m flattered to be the center of their world
I’m glad they think I’m famous
Famous enough for them to be obsessed with

They don’t know
They don’t see

A mask on my face
Mouth taped shut

Can they see?
I’m still crumbling

Can they hear?
These unending silent cries?

I see
In the mirror
Not who I used to be
Now I see a frightened girl
Trying on so many faces to please everyone else

I remind myself
Their only bullies
With nothing better to do

I remind myself
It’s their fault
There’s nothing I can do now

And yet I feel,
So useless
So helpless
My hands are ties
Mouth zipped closed

And they don’t know
And they don’t see

How much fiery pain I endure
And yet, sometimes,
I manage a real smile
And just for awhile
I forget it all

And then the bell shrieks in my ear
I blow a kiss and race to class
To where it’s all back again

And then the bell shrieks in my ear
I blow a kiss and rush home
To where its al back again

They don’t know
They don’t see

I remind myself
At day
They’re only bullies

I remind myself
At night
No one here wants my help

Why should I keep trying anymore?

And I remind myself

Because
They don’t know
They don’t see

Then I realize
I’m only lying to myself
I should tell myself the truth

So I try

I know
They don’t know
They don’t see

I realize
I’m so tired
So tired of no sleep
So tired of crying myself to sleep
So tired of not being able to trust
So tired of not telling, of keeping all my worries in

They don’t know
They don’t see

That unending fight I was in
I just got up and walked from
I got tired of it

The pain that envelops my heart
24/7 365 days a year
It really throws me into a pitch of fear

Tears are in my eyes
No one hears my pleading cries

They don’t know
They don’t see

I won’t let them
I don’t trust them
They have given me every reason not to

My parents are withering away
I have nightmares over them

I don’t say anything
There isn’t anything I can do

I see
In the mirror
Not who I used to be
Now I see a frightened girl
Trying on so many faces to please everyone else

Because
They don’t know
They don’t see

All this pain and hurt in me

All the terror I face

They don’t know
They don’t see

Until it’s their time
I’m walking in silence
But in their eyes
I’m on the red carpet
Because I’m just that famous

They don’t know
And they don’t see

This is my story
They know nothing about me



Join the Discussion

This article has 2 comments. Post your own now!

Qiana C. said...
Feb. 12, 2013 at 11:26 pm
I really liked this. In fact I loved it. I've lost a lot of people these past couple years. Including my older brother. It shows me that I'm not the only one out there hurting inside and painting a smile on my face everyday just so the ones I do care about won't worry. Please read my poem/article "Smile." I think you may like it.
 
KristySparklezThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Feb. 14, 2013 at 8:54 pm
thank you so much(: and i will happily look at your poem/article!!! i hope it gets better for you, its a struggle but it starts to get better slowly i promise. Th beginning is to let it out as i have done. Again, I hope it gets better for you
 
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