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Gray.

The sun peeks through the windows of the light brown double doors,
The dull, white lights above my head flicker and buzz
A brilliant white cloth covers his corpse,
His lips turned into a smile.
Everyone itching to say something,
We all stand awkwardly in corners,
But enough was already said.

A constant shift of foot,
Silent sniffing and weeping.
I was alone but not alone,
Better turned into worse.
When he left
Everything turned gray.

Babies born,
Standstill.
Lives lost,
Standstill.
The Earth continues to spin around
And here I was
Watching everything,
Everyone overcome with sadness,
Clenching ratty pieces of Kleenex.
While I'm staring into space
Watching everything slowly
Turn gray.

There it is,
That initial shock.
He's gone,
Gone forever.
My mother's words
"He...passed...away."


The sun dI'ms,
The dull light shines brighter.
The room gets smaller,
The air getting thinner and thinner.
My heart beats faster and faster,
Thumping in my ears.
Hands balled into fists,
My body violently trembling.
Tears slide down my cheeks,
My eyelashes clumping together.
My face becomes hot, swollen, and red.
Anger sneaks up behind me and rests on my shoulder.

Angry.

Angry at hI'm,
Angry at the doctors,
Angry at the ambulance driver,
Angry at my mother,
Angry at God,
Angry at myself.

I knew the day would come,
I prayed to God it wouldn't.
Told myself he'd been better,
He'd be out the hospital in no tI'me.

Tragic,
A death discussed on the news,
Life goes on.
They're just another person,
Who had just another family.

Not this tI'me.
He wouldn't be just another man,
Who worked at another place,
Who influenced lives.
He's not just another human being,
He's not just another grandfather.
He was mine.




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