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I love you,
to the little blades of freshly dewed grass
Which blew in the shadowy night winds.
I miss you,
To the fragranced tiger lilies that grew by the mellow stream outside my home
Then I whispered
I need you,
To my small house that complained and grumbled
with each whistle of wind that blew.
The one with the holes in the roof that we put buckets under
to keep the house from flooding when the inexorable
winter rains came in, but left alone when the sweet-smelling
spring rain cam.
I sang adieu, adieu
With the crow of the rooster that always gawked
so early with the morning
I sang adieu to the night,
good morrow to the rising sun.
Leaving my home with the grass-dirt floor,
I traveled to find what I had always searched for
Not beautiful nature
Not sounding bells
Neither love nor adventure
But too find my heart.
You left me.
You did not use a boat with paddles
Across a lake away from me
You did not stowaway in a barrel
And curl up against the raging waves
You did not jump onto a train
And watch the star light
You took my heart
Broke it and built a bridge out of every small piece,
Jumping on to one part after another
A passage to where you went.
Each piece crumbling into the hazy ravine of
all our memories.
Those tears never fell down my cheek,
They held their breath because I made them.
Those smiles that never went away.
Every night I refused to cry,
Every night I lay awake wondering,
It consumed me.
I was left with only the daisies and dogs
to feel my every pain.
But even then I held so strong
With whatever was left of me.
I see you sometimes.
As I sit around the fire wrapped in my own warmth because
The warmth you would cloak around me is gone.
You smile and I do as well.
I hide pain, you do not.
We talk merely of pleasant things;
The day the night
The weather and the animals that scurry past us in the
Middle of somewhere.
But then goodbyes are said you go on your way
And I continue searching for where it is you went.
I search for the piece of heart I need back
The part I gave you
Because what I have is almost done wearing and tearing away.
I’m far from home.
Far from the grass I whispered to,
I love you.
Far from the tiger lilies I whispered to,
I miss you.
Far from the little house I whispered to,
I need you.
The pain fills me but I will whisper something else,
Something different to the aurora borealis,
which blazes above my head
as I fall asleep.
Adieu to the day,
Adieu to you.