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Living with my Nightmares

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I try to stop and wonder why
Am I numb now?
Tears start to fall
Never wanting to stop

Just a minute ago
I was laughing
Now I’m depressed
Suicidal thoughts arise

How can I’ve been happy?
Then so upset in a blink of an eye
I remember their faces
And I feel nothing for them

Everything’s a distant memory
My own nightmares taking over
I try to find something joyful
All I found was even more terror

How can I tell the people who love
That when night comes
I’m no longer myself
Just like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde
I’m a monster that does not feel
Alone and cold, immune to everything
What happened to me?
I want it to stop

But whenever I try to stop
Someone else barges in
I don’t know who it is
But they’re taking over

I try to control myself
Hoping to win the battle in my head
Whether I win or lose
I’m no longer the same

I’ve changed but not for the better
All the things I’ve pushed away
Have resurfaced and formed
Now it has personified into my nightmares

Gladly, it only happens at night
But it talks to me during the day
I push back the negativity
Or else it’ll swallow me whole

Who knew it would be like this
I didn’t, but that’s what I get
I can never be truly happy
I’ve accepted this much

I’ll face the world with my burdens
Give everyone a smile
I’ll lie my way to my death
Knowing that no one knows the monster inside.



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