My roller coaster

December 17, 2012
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Waiting in line
is the hardest part.
Anticipation grows,
slower than grass.
Building the anticipation up
slowly, and painfully
step by step

It’s the end of the line
and my turn has come.
He tells me which row to go in,
deciding my fate.
I want to be in the front
But at the same time,
The back looks so much safer.

At this point it’s too late to turn back,
The ride is loading.
I know I hate roller coasters
But it’s something I have to do.
For myself, I say
for myself.
I need to do this for me.

My fear must be conquered.
My apprehensions released.
I have to get on,
and enjoy the ride.
But I can’t.
Too much could go wrong,
The metal screeches to a halt and I am in my seat anyway.

The ride crawls up…
Up, up, up…
The top if the hill, the pivotal moment.
It pauses for just a second,
enough time to contemplate my decision.
I feel like I chose wrong,
but honestly was it ever really my choice?
It goes down hard and fast.
The wind through my hair
makes my eyes tear.
Could this possibly be fun?
Do I actually feel better?
Was it worth all that time?
It’s only a roller coaster.

Conquering fear
is quite a fickle thing.
Building so much anticipation and anxiety,
just to feel the relief.
Why waste the time
with those types of feelings anyway?
If they’re just going to go away.

But I guess that’s the thing with roller coasters
you just have to get on.
Accept it,
Roll with it,
Let it take you and then be done.
Get through it for yourself,
because in the end it was your own experience.

It’s very hard to accept it
and not want to turn back before it starts.
But if I waited in that line,
I should seize the opportunity I waited for.
I wouldn’t have waited
If some part of me
didn’t want it.

And I did want it.
I do want it.
With all it ups and downs,
stomach twists and screams of laughter,
I know deep down I want it all.
And if waiting in line is what it takes,
so be it.

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