How Convenient

November 27, 2012
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Please pardon my petty protests
I've just never realized how absurd
Pointless arguments can be
Now verbal scars will leave their mark
Where words have caused abuse
They look like bruises
Black and blue
And yellow like a morbid shade of jaundice
Covering your kids
They're crying
Sobbing, stiff and scared
Because they know it's not okay
And they wish that they could run away
But they know they'd have no place to stay
Your two small boys
A perfect portrait
Of what a family should be
They care and even when they're scared
They stick together
And hope that it will change
Despite the sharpness of the pains
From the abusive hands across their faces
Staying calm and quiet
As they hold back the tears
The same way they've done for all these years
Now looking stern into your eyes
Above the bags
And circles black
That hide half a decade plus a year
Of pain, regrets, and bloody stains
On church clothes
Which over and over get washed out
But leave a darker mark each time.
And still at heart you wish that you were
As happy as the man who looked like you
Six years ago
Before you lost all faith in god
And turned back against
the woman you loved
And died inside
Because you thought you could trust her
You told her you loved her
Then she threw it all away
And disgraced your faith
Her presence rots the air around you
She's got a sickly sour taste of an affair
And it remains and shows itself
Revealing more than it should
And it will never fade away
It was the spark of the fire
It was the match that held the flame
From gallons upon gallons of gasoline
Its the scar left on her face from a blow you won't forget
It manifests itself
And its all you see anymore when you look her in the eye
It brings a flash back every time
In slow motion
You sit there and watch yourself
As if watching a movie
In perfect clarity

A tuesday night
You came home driving
Innocent and a smile on your face
The week was going fine
And you were coming home to see your wife
And kids aged three and four
Pulling into your driveway
Then walking towards the door
You felt something was wrong
When you saw no lights were on
The walls were leaking voices unfamiliar
And from your worries grew suspicion
To anger
When you opened up the door
To a scrambling twenty something
Running to your back entrance of your home.
You turned your head some odd degrees to see your wife
Preserving decency
Under a blanket that you bought her as a present
An import from southern africa
With symbol woven in that read
"Fertility and bliss"
It was expensive and meant something at the time
But now it's soiled in adultery

Then slow motion accelerated
As the veins dilated in your eyes
You're moving by instinct now
You're flinching at the thought
But still you're watching

When so swift flew the first punch
The first time you hit her
The last time you cared
And the first of the many
Last times "I swear"
But you knew that she deserved it
Every cry was worth it
And now you're facing your peers on the stand
Begging and pleading for them to believe
That you'd take it back if you could.
Impartial by law but behind closed doors
They're minds have been made
And like madness you can hear them in your mind
In your head they are speaking, no, shouting
That everything you said is a lie
You relished every moment and enjoyed her bitter cry
"Not worthy of commitment"
"Its not her fault"
"She's a victim in it all"
An awful resonance of guilt
Is ringing through your ears and stinging
As they trickle
Single file from the room
Into their box where the foreman takes a stand
And he reads from a paper
The decision they have made.

The outcomes are now flashing through your mind
It could be jail time
20 years at least
The sweat is beading down your face and hands
Your tears are halfway out your eyes.
You can't hear anything
Your vision is a blur
Feeling off
You take a single step backwards
But your foot misses the floor.
Entranced while falling backwards
Paralyzed on impact for a moment
Before your ears pickup the sound
Of screaming and shouting for an ambulance.
A physician's at your side
Checking for a pulse.
And shining light into your eyes.
Within seconds they lift you off the ground,
Onto a stretcher while through the corners of your eyes
You see lights flashing red and white
As the vessels in your brain are bursting
And your essence fades away.

How convenient.

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