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The threshold to your heart has closed with one final pump
I stand in another, familiar eyes prying at my naive expression of utter bliss
My smile is swiped from me by the slow realization of agony in the room,
The imminent threat imposed on me by the unspoken words that slide
Through my veins like a chilly injection of fatal silence
And, although no one has said a mere word, my mind has been blown
To Mars and back in a torrid tempest of emotion, exploring countless possibilities their expressions express to me
Words are lost inside the darkening clouds in my brain
Yet by letting myself dwell on my thoughts I have somehow lost the ability to actually THINK
Then it hits me
Like a kick to the chest, and suddenly all of the air is gone from my lungs
As it should be, because so is yours

I sift through the little memories I have of you
In a wild attempt to revive your image
The disaster tosses me effortlessly from palm to palm
Natural but then so unordinary
it's been four months since I've seen you
And it'll be an eternity longer until we meet again
Details have become insanely important and I curse myself
Curse myself for not being able to recall the name you called me
For not remembering the smell of your bathrobe, the pattern on your slippers
I've wasted my life
Not knowing you
And yet, I still manage to mourn with all of my being
Yes I regret not being there for you
I regret thinking of you as a distant relative, engulfed by dementia
As cumbersome as a child, yet you loved all the same

So I look into their eyes, in the quiet silence gnarled fingers so reaped upon my house
With the heart clutching, stomach churning, oh so realistic
Recognition that I will never see you again during my life time
And that, i have missed the stories, the jokes
The painstakingly hard life of dealing with your illness
Even though some things that came with you weren't always desirable
I'd take them back in a moment's moment
And I'll never tire of writing of you
Because it will put you here: next to me
That's all I want, so I could take you back into this world
In a grip that not even those hands with their scythe in tow could pry open
I'd snatch you back
So fast that even lightning wouldn't compete with me
Now, as the thunder approaches and the storm begins
In the acid rain of relatives tears
My blood is frozen with these words unspoken
A picture says a thousand words
Silence gives a thousand pictures.
And in this silence, Mummy
I remember you




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