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fatherless middle child

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Fatherless Middle Child
I was the middle child
The fatherless Middle child
Jealous of my brothers and sisters
Because their dads were always around
Always wanted to ask questions
But never got the chance
He never called me
Even though I called him several times
Every time I called he would send it to voice mail
He can’t say he didn't know it was me
I left the voice mail with my name with tears

Was I not good enough to be held?
Was I not cute enough?
Was it my crying?
What was it?
Was it the way I laughed?
Was it the timing?
Did it cost too much for the diapers and formula?
What exactly made him neglect me and not try?
How could he forget me?
Please tell me what I did.
Was it just too much to ask?
To trust a man to take care of what he says he loves
Was I asking for much?
Just to have a father?

I cried myself to sleep at night
Not because I didn't live with him
I cried myself to sleep at night because he never took the time to get to know me.


I don’t know if we have common interest
It’s sad because I didn't even get to speak to him before he died
I wasn't invited to the funeral
His family didn't even know about me.

I can’t even look at man without hatred towards them
Because I think their all like you
Because of him.
I have no memories or stories to tell about my
Father except the bad ones.
Because of him, I am always wondering
Because of him, I feel like the world is against me. I remember you called me once when I was 13 years old.
You asked me how old I was, well maybe if you were around you would know.
“Daddy loves you, do you love daddy?”
What kind of sick question is that.






































































































































Do I love you? How could I love someone who treated me as if I didn't exist? How could I forgive someone who showed no remorse to not being in my life? How could I love someone who neglected me? I never had a father figure in my life for 16 years. I always thought that one day you would come around and notice that I am hurt and put some effort in my life and into us. They say Karma is a b**ch right? Just like you took my life, someone has taken yours. Rest in peace.



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