when back way | Teen Ink

when back way MAG

November 29, 2012
By theshadowofanobody GOLD, Belle Mead, New Jersey
theshadowofanobody GOLD, Belle Mead, New Jersey
19 articles 0 photos 6 comments

when back way
1 (one) was
li/ttle
*l*i used to pretend that the
nice kids on the bright green playground
liked to play with me
'cause i was always the scary dinosaur, rawr!
or that on the tickly grassy fields
i really could kick that hopelessly
checkered ball
and everyone would cheer when i scored a goal, hurray!
but s-hush, i'll let you in on a li/ttle secret, i
conf(ess)
no one else wanted to be the t-rex
and
i sucked at soccer

but you kn(ho)w what
~p~s. it's okay
i'll settle for watching the sunset
as i sit on the lumpy roots of the butt tree
and i'll leap onto the squeaky swings
tape post-it wings to the wind
and keep kicking my legs out
until
i finally touch that
branch
that just is
a little bit
too high.
e.


The author's comments:
"You know what? We need swingsets the most on rainy days."

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This article has 2 comments.


juneday GOLD said...
on Jun. 23 2013 at 9:32 pm
juneday GOLD, Barrington, Rhode Island
16 articles 1 photo 27 comments
sorry i meant syntax

juneday GOLD said...
on Jun. 23 2013 at 9:30 pm
juneday GOLD, Barrington, Rhode Island
16 articles 1 photo 27 comments
 I love some of the images present in this poem  (particularly the "scary dinosaur") and the overall tone. At first I disliked the /**(); however, as I reread, I thought it began to give the poem a childlike misunderstanding of grammar, like something the narrator of the poem would have used..  However, I do find your use of /, *, (), etc., sometimes pretentious - like you're trying to copy e.e. cummings.  Also, some of your adjectives  - hopelessly checkered, for example -  don't make sense.