Truly Me

December 2, 2012
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When I was younger,
I never thought I would be the one to say,
hey, yeah, I guess I live under the umbrella term of gay.

Then again, the term I use these days,
is "not straight",
I have trouble recognizing myself,
for who I really am.

In the fourth grade,
I had my first big crush,
on a boy - just like everyone else.
But my crushes always faded,
and in middle school,
I never quite made it,
to the boy-crazed stage.

It felt like something was wrong with me,
and then at age fourteen,
I began to have these feelings,
towards somebody,
that wasn't of the male variety.

Religion told me this wasn't supposed to be,
that it was all just make-believe,
some ignorant choice,
that made me a rebel
and it'll land me in hell.

I fought it as best I could,
prayed that these feelings would be as they should,
but the more I tried,
the more I felt dead inside.

It got worse,
with each passing year,
it's been almost three now,
and I finally beginning to grasp that this is me.

I did cry,
and force myself to lie,
just to cover up the fact that I'm bi.

Now, I'm living in this awkward life,
stuck between two minds,
the one were everything is fine,
and everyone is my friend.
Then there is the one,
hiding in a closet in my imaginary room,
telling myself it's only time before this is through,
and I can be who I truly am.
It's just hard when I know,
no one is really going to understand,
how a Christian girl was dealt this hand.

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Puzzle This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jan. 13, 2013 at 9:41 pm
I do very much like this. :) I can see your experience in writing, which surpasses mine, and I am impressed with your word choice! Keep it up. :) I also admire how you build up to the climax, not puncture it at the doorway. :)  
thewriterajp replied...
Jan. 14, 2013 at 8:28 pm
Thank you very much, Puzzle! :) I try to pace my poems, especially the more emotional ones so that the climax is the POW it should be. And, you yourself are very talented writer, so I take your compliment with great pleasure! :)
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