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Missing You

This room is quiet, silent except for the clock ticking on the wall
The air engulfing the space around me is cold and I'm shivering
Where are you?
Why do I care where you are?
Things ended between us months ago, I was just having a quick relapse
You got what you wanted, I got what I wanted,
That was that and we left.
 I didn't care what you thought.
Why do I care now?
I miss you and I want you to keep me warm
Like all those nights when you held me in your arms
And whispered sweet nothings into my ear and said
"Don't worry, Kiddo; everything's gonna be alright."
I miss those 2 a.m. Video calls that made my stomach churn,
The debates about anything and everything that crossed our minds
I wanted your insight, I wanted your views to help develop mine
And if I had to change my mind or hurt myself in the process, then so be it.
I remember the days when all I could do was hold my own hands in anticipation
Of what was to come
 I couldn't hold back the emotion inside of me because I wanted you
And only you
I miss the secret hugs at hallway corners and holding hands on the stairs
Bidding farewell after a good hour or so, running back 
To my place and your place on opposite sides of the room
Hoping nobody knew that there was a me and you
Because that would cause tension, ruin the cliques and the normality of our  world
And we didn't want to disturb that. 
I miss smiling from my locker to yours and glancing over there at every class change
To seeing you wearing, once again,that worn down brown striped jacket
And not being able to tear my eyes off of you.
I miss the muscles in your abdomen and the way they felt against my chest
How you taught me everything I'll ever need to know
You've transformed my words into long spiraling strings of hate and of love 
And it just goes back and forth depending on the day and what we've gone through
I hate that I miss you
What do you matter to me?
Oh, that's right, everything
You were everything
 Now you brush me off like I'm nothing
Ignore me when I say, "That color looks good on you" 
You don't listen to my writing anymore because you do not care
You never cared,  just like I told myself I didn't either
But let's be honest with each other.
I cared.
And I miss you.



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