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Inside the Body

Inside the Body it is quite deceased, you see
Lifeless, our body for both you and me
Your skeleton holds you up, without it you would be a big blob of skin
You eat healthy to keep your stomach not fat or thin
Your brain holds knowledge and common sense
And your heart pumps blood with a beat quite intense, knowing that if you treat it wrong you would be dead in recompense
But nothing too complicated is that useful
Inside the body there is no thing fruitful
What really matters inside the body is the compassion and life
Everyone I know really just has strife
There is no love, just horror inside the heart
Everyone that I know tries to act so smart
Not knowing that the real knowledge is inside the heart.
Knowledge is love
And love is art
You can't say you know everything until you know someones heart
And no one knows my heart
I am invisible, no one pays attention to me
Just a girl whose friends are less than reality
But when they talk they are rude
I don't want to have that attitude
They have no hearts, they have no lives
And only this is what makes me thrive
For someones helping hand with love compassion and life
So don't deny it, you know that inside the body there is no life



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This article has 13 comments. Post your own now!

AmayaEcho said...
Jan. 1, 2013 at 7:03 pm
For a first attempt at poetry, that was really good!  Honestly, all it needs is punctuation.
 
EPluribusUnumThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jan. 1, 2013 at 6:07 pm
I like this. I was really surprised to see you say in your comment that it was your first time writing poetry. :) "Knowledge is love and love is art" That is unbelievably beautiful and wise. For some reason I also love "whose friends are less than reality". It's relatable and gorgeous and a fine piece of writing. The only thing I would suggest is more of a for-future-reference. Sometimes rhyming doesn't have to be consistant throughout a poem. Some of the best p... (more »)
 
FauxedTea said...
Dec. 31, 2012 at 8:25 pm
I really liked the message you were getting across! I LOVED the last line. I felt like that held the real power in your piece. I was weary toward the beginning becauase I felt like the wording could be more sophisticated and flow more evenly, but as I read on, I really liked the poem. Overall, it was very well written! Could you read and comment on my Pocket Watch Heart? Thanks! 
 
Sparkle1popsThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Dec. 30, 2012 at 4:59 pm
I really like this poem! The thing that I would chage about this poem would be that the first half of your poem does not flow very well. You might want to change the wording or somethng like that. Maybe make your poem a little less imformative. Also a couple of the sentences were a little confusing, it kind of takes away from the poetry when you have to concentrate on one sentnce at a time. Sorry I am being so rough! I really do love this poem, especially for a firsttimer. You have real potentia... (more »)
 
KimKendrickThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Dec. 30, 2012 at 12:29 am
I really like this poem, because it doesn't focus on the things that don't matter. Could you look at my poem Oxygen, and Books, and leave a comment? I would appreciate it.
 
Atl.Braves03This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Dec. 29, 2012 at 12:38 pm
I liked it, especially the message about focusing on what is important.
 
Angelic_Kitten_Guenyth said...
Dec. 1, 2012 at 2:26 pm
Thank You!!! (everyone) This kinda stuff helps you alot so THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!! :D 
 
VelaneDeBeaute This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Dec. 2, 2012 at 6:05 am
Just keep on writing honey, whether someone praises or not! ;)
 
taylorbugThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Nov. 27, 2012 at 7:54 pm
WOW. For a "first timer", you're AH-mazing. I really loved this poem! I honestly cannot find any flaws in this, except maybe adding a bit more of a rhythm or repeating words or phrases to add emphasis. I really LOVE this poem. YOu combined my two favorite things (science and understanding) and BOOM made this amazing poem. WOW. I'm really impressed. 5/5!!
 
VelaneDeBeaute This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Nov. 27, 2012 at 2:26 pm
For someone who's attempting poetry for the first time, the expression of feelings such boldly is really an awesome thing to happen. You just need to keep reading more poetry, which will automatically tend to shape your verses properly when you continue writing more. For now, I'd say, this is a 4/5 stars thing.!! :) 
 
Anna141This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Nov. 29, 2012 at 12:49 pm
I like this, it flows really well!
 
writerauterThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Dec. 1, 2012 at 12:04 pm
omg! that is really really good. you have a talent. :)) keep writing poetry you are amazing. <3
 
Aqua. replied...
Dec. 28, 2012 at 1:41 pm
One of my favorites
 
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