I don't understand anymore

October 29, 2012
I don't understand anymore

I look around me and all I see are people falling in love, being loved, getting asked out.
I thought I was the only person not to have these experiences because of the way I dress or if I wear makeup or not.
But today I heard of someone who got asked out 3 times in one day, two highs school students and one college student.
I thought okay this girl isn't exactly gorgeous and all this time I thought I looked a little prettier then her.
but maybe not. seriously what attracts friendships and relationships?
I tried acting different ways. I tried being open and witty and not afraid to standout. I tried not talking to anyone and to see who came to me.
nothing works.
all I want is to be loved, that's simple.
but everywhere I turn, there are best friends and boyfriends and family.
i feel like I don't fit in anywhere i go.
parties, friends houses, my own house, karate class.
everywhere I'm the oddball out. the only girl, the only one with no friends, the only one nobody talks to, the youngest of the group, the oldest of the group. there are so many other things I could mention. about clothing and sizes and crap like that.
is it the fact I'm trying too hard? do I have to give up completely and just let my feet carry me? I really want someone I can call mine. A best friend, a boy friend, or maybe a best guy friend.
I want someone I can spend each and every weekend with.
I want someone who wants me as much as I want them.
I want someone my parents approved of.
and someone my parents don't hate.
I want someone who lives close so I can spend every waking second with them.
gender doesn't matter to me.
I love all people.

I have tried to make friends be friendly and live large. but maybe I should go on a date with my dog. maybe I can share my vanilla ice cream with him (not chocolate it's bad for dogs) but that will only last a few more years. until he grows old. until he leaves me for god in heaven.
I thought I could trust my last best friends, but they seemed to have all changed. and it's a world of not excepting the person who wants the most to be excepted.

Where do I go now? is there someone out there who really loves me for me? they don't care about my clothing? my curly hair? my wacky brain? is there someone who won't judge me for my bad math skills? or my terrible spelling?
Is there anyone who love me for me?

I still have yet to find you.
but once I do.
I will never let you go. ?

Post a Comment

Be the first to comment on this article!

Site Feedback