I find myself asking myself the same questions over and over again on a daily basis; & what I've realized is that the problem is me. I love too many who don't love me the same. I give away pieces of me to the wrong people who take advantage of me in return then leave, never to be seen again.. I wish I could just learn from all this & be by myself with no one to deal or stress over. But with you, my world feels different; sometimes I stand and believe that what you tell me is the truth & you mean what you say; then other times I fall & make myself realize that I'm living in the real world. Nothings perfect & nothing lasts forever. My trust issues are at their maximum reach, and I hate having to make you fix something that other dudes before you messed up. I hate having to hear myself say how much I don't trust these females when the truth is I just don't know how to completely let go & trust you. I'm not insecure, I just don't wanna be taken advantage of anymore. I'm growing up into a woman & I need a man tht knows what his responsibilities are. Someone real. Who doesn't wanna play games, cheat, lie, or pretend that he cares when he really doesn't. but that's what scares me the most. What if its too good to be true.? What if you just a great talker.? You show me you care on a daily basis but my heart has been set to beat "doubt". Every time I open up to someone or express my feelings, they take that as a weakness. I don't understand why ppl choose to mess up the realest thing they have. I say I love you b/c I really mean it. You not the first one I said it to, but you are one that shows you care. Mistake I never seem to learn from. Its just so hard for me to trust & let go b/c I treat people the way I would want them to treat me. Someone once told me that I will never find a guy that doesn't talk to other girls, that's true but there's a huge difference on how a guy talks to a girl. Funny the one who told me this bulls*** was the same one who was doin the s***. I don't learn. I put my heart through so much. I don't see how I still have pieces of it to give to you. I'm giving you nothing but broken pieces & wanting you to fix them. If you not here for the right reasons just leave or I wont learn. But you say you love me & want a future with me...my response is actions speak louder than words. So from this note & day on, I trust you; I leave our relationship in your hands & ask God to bless and watch over it. He knows I'm being as good to you as I can. I pray he helps you do the same. I'm putting my fears aside.
Mistakes I Never Learn From
October 25, 2012