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Adventures From When I Was Thirteen
Why was I here again?
At my step-uncle's farm
I hadn't been here for five years.
But the red paint of the barn was just as chipped and cracked as last time
And the horse in his barn whinnied at me just like before
But this time, it had two mouths,
And spit a blue rock between my sandal and my foot.
I left the barn, naturally a bit confused
Only to see a fairy and a professor riding an elephant up the driveway.
They stopped in front of me, and hauled some sort of machine off the elephant's back
And told me it was urgent I let it scan me.
But when it did, they all, even the elephant, gasped in terror.
Because the glowing blue rock had infected me.
And I didn't have much time before the transformation.
So the fairy rushed me into my uncle's house
To hide me behind the living room couch
That my 4 brand new 15 year old brothers
Were sitting on, playing Mario Kart.
Shoving and insulting each other, not even noticing us behind them.
Then I turned into the spider
8 legs each ending in a point, but I still had my 2 arms, my human head and neck.
I was black all over, with purple and yellow spots.
At least 6 feet tall and long
But no one seemed to pay any attention to me
So I got bored, and opened the door to the kitchen
Only to find myself human again, walking out of the captain's cabin
Onto a pirate ship, with Mickey Mouse and his crew.
We sailed through twisting, misty canyons
Bat caves on the walls above us.
Torches lining the rocky walls by the sides of the ship.
We sailed for a good while,
looking for an exit from this canyon maze.
But as we finally neared the exit
The fog in the sky turned alive
Bright purple and writhing towards us
And the pirates put on their gas masks,
But I did not, I simply breathed in the mist,
A smile on my face, not a fear in the world.
Then, as I finished breathing in
I found myself on that couch at my uncle's, controller in my hand
Guiding Mario to his final fight
With King Angry Blob
He was giant, purple, with a red spike on his head and green shoes on his feet,
Almost spherical, with angry eyes he kept trained on Mario the entire time.
So I guided Mario around the arena, to get in position to grab and throw the King,
Over and over, until he shattered,
into a mass of purple flakes, and a single gold star.
And I sat, staring at the victory screen
As my new 18 year old brother patted me on the back and mouthed the words,
“Good job, now lets go get some snacks.”
But all I could hear
Was some repeated buzzing.
So I got up out of bed, turned off the alarm
And started getting ready for another day at school.