Numbed by Ignorance

You look but you don’t see
Your joyful eyes gaze right through me
Are they blind?
Or is it just me?
Am I invisible?

You seem so shocked,
To hear my voice,
Am I that unnoticeable?

You listen,
But you don’t care.
My words are crumpled old leaves that lay on the ground
No harm done,
I am numb
I’ve felt this all before, a repeating cycle that never stops.
It’s like writing in a little girl’s diary,
I pretend that the book is my friend
And I write every secret of mine.
But the book never sends comfort back.

My silence brings assumptions.
They like to think they know `me`
I would like to feel anger or even frustration
But the numbness has spread too deep.

Ignorance used to hurt.
The pain used to feel like the blue flames of fire
But then turned to a horrible shudder of coldness
That bit every inch of my body and froze it.
I used to loathe that,
I would go out of my league to feel.
I would take risks, under go humiliation.
But that brought on more pain.

There’s too much that time cannot heal.
I am a little bit shy
I am a little unconfident,
But this emptiness is what shocks me
And what also causes me to break sometimes

I scream in the hallways,
I crack jokes,
I come to school wearing uncomfortable clothes,
Anything that will make me be noticed.

I need attention
It’s a desperate plead that claws my heart out.
I can’t stand this anguish anymore
I will NOT be ignored.





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