The Road of a Life

October 15, 2012
By nmk1128 SILVER, Fort Myers, Florida
nmk1128 SILVER, Fort Myers, Florida
6 articles 0 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You don't write because you want to say something, you write because you have something to say." - F. Scott Fitzgerald


Let society's dream roll with it's repetitive rhythmic rims
The commute but never met
The refuel but never replenished
The repeat, always
The ever changing colors
Green's glories
Red's remorses
Yellow's yearns
Placed on the paved tar current of freedom
Pre assembled and pre freed
A freedom limited by the vessel
But a freedom chosen by the lights



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This article has 7 comments.


on Feb. 23 2013 at 9:52 pm
redhairCat PLATINUM, Pebble Beach, California
47 articles 20 photos 411 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I can do anything!"

I like your descriptions and syntax - very clever. :)

nmk1128 SILVER said...
on Jan. 20 2013 at 10:50 pm
nmk1128 SILVER, Fort Myers, Florida
6 articles 0 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You don't write because you want to say something, you write because you have something to say." - F. Scott Fitzgerald

its fine, and yea I know what you mean I have a revised version fixing most of that

Kris_10 GOLD said...
on Jan. 20 2013 at 4:30 pm
Kris_10 GOLD, North Scituate, Rhode Island
10 articles 0 photos 73 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles... The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood..." -Theodore Roosevelt

I'm sorry, i accdently commented on this twice. By choppy i mean the flow of it is hard to follow. I dont know when to pause. maybe this is just the rythm you us to write, and thats okay but for me, its hard to follow/

Kris_10 GOLD said...
on Jan. 20 2013 at 4:25 pm
Kris_10 GOLD, North Scituate, Rhode Island
10 articles 0 photos 73 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles... The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood..." -Theodore Roosevelt

I really like the idea behind this poem. However, it seems a little choppy. the flow and rythm of this poem doent feel right.

on Jan. 15 2013 at 10:26 pm
EPluribusUnum DIAMOND, Woodbine, Maryland
59 articles 24 photos 280 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head)."
-Sylvia Plath

I really liked this. It makes a good point about the way our society is built around freedom, yet inherantly limited in it's freedom simply because of the way it works. You have gorgeous use of repetition and alliteration that leaves just a toutch of magic in an otherwise realistic poem. Not to mention the last two lines were deep and toutching and a fantastic hook to leave the reader pondering your ideas. I'm afraid to say I have no sugestions, this is just to good to mess with.

nmk1128 SILVER said...
on Jan. 13 2013 at 10:15 pm
nmk1128 SILVER, Fort Myers, Florida
6 articles 0 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You don't write because you want to say something, you write because you have something to say." - F. Scott Fitzgerald

I'm glad you enjoyed it (: help yourself to my other poems haha, but what exactly is "choppy" if you don't mind me asking

Kris_10 GOLD said...
on Jan. 13 2013 at 7:03 pm
Kris_10 GOLD, North Scituate, Rhode Island
10 articles 0 photos 73 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles... The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood..." -Theodore Roosevelt

I really like this! It really paints a picture for me. However, the flow is a little choppy. Other than that, great job.


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