Where is the light?
I asked as the child when the power went out.
Sitting by the window the dark a frightening monster.
Praying the light comes.
                        back.
                                on.
As I grew taller the curves came with.
Adolescence is a gift I was to cherish.
Where is the light?
Still inside my soul lighting my way but,
                                I
                                        am
                                slowly
                                        being
                                taken
                                        over.
The darkness lurking  in my heart.
Taking over my soul.
Where is the light?
Snuffed out by the overtaking shade.
I hurt, I bleed
for that ache, that need.
The cut, the steel cold,
at a mere twelve years old.
The pain, the regret,
mixed with the blood and the sweat.
The shiver and chill,
All for that cutting thrill.
Where is the light?
Not here not there. No longer seen.
Sweet devils whisper in my ear.
That cut, that bleed?
Hand them all in!
You take those pills and the fun will begin!
I am what you want and I am your need!
Take those pills and no longer will you plead,
for the salvation you have forever wanted.
They hiss in my ear.
Painting pictures of
                        love
                                caring
                                        freedom.
I close my eyes.
That night,one last tear will fall.
At fourteen it seems some walls are too tall.
I grab the pills and swallow.
Praying not to see tomorrow.
I lie back the golden cord of life slowly unwinding.
The room spinning
        my fingers numb
                so much to be said
                        not enough time left to speak.
I take one last breath
        close my eyes
                and fall into a
                                very
                        deep
                                        sleep......
Beep.Beep.        Beep.Beep.        Beep.Beep.        Beep.Beep.        Beep.Beep.        Beep.Beep.           Beep.Beep.        Beep.Beep.        Beep.Beep.        Beep.Beep.        Beep.Beep.        Beep.Beep.
Beep.Beep.        Beep.Beep.        Beep.Beep.        Beep.Beep.        Beep.Beep.        Beep.Beep.        Beep.Beep.        Beep.Beep.        Beep.Beep.        Beep.Beep.        Beep.Beep.        Beep.Beep.
Where is the light?
I can't move my arms.
I hear voices.
They whisper nothing audible but,
“Is she awake?”
I open my fogged rimmed eyes and look out upon a scary world.
I am alive. Alive? Alive.
I lay my head back.
A mother's kiss upon my cheek
A father’s love.
A mother’s kiss
An aunts hug.
A brothers worry.
I see what could have been.
I don’t see a bright future.
I messed this all up
What have I done?