This is I

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I
I am Matthew
I am eighteen years of age.
I am a loser.
I don't have many friends, but
I cherish the ones I do have.
I don't have a girlfriend.
I never have, probably because
I don't act like a jerk.
I have kissed a girl, though she really didn't expect it.
I have grown attached to many people
I have been hurt... a lot... multiple times... by many people...
I go through a lot, both good and bad (mostly bad)
I went through serious depression
I was at the brink of suicide
I had a plan and everything
I found people who helped me through it
I got better
I was born with a tumor in my back
I went through eight serious surgeries because of it
I have been told that the surgeries didn't do much
I don't think it will ever get better.
I have no hope that it will get better
I stopped caring about it
I am not bothered by it anymore
I am bothered by knowing how lonely I am
I wish I had someone to hold
I wish I had somebody to love
I wish I had someone to kiss
I wish I had someone to give my life to
I wish I had her here
I wish I didn't have this strife
You can keep guessing
This wasn't supposed to be depressing
I haven't abandoned all hope
So I won't sit around and mope
If I do I'll be though of negatively
I don't want that associated with me
It might be hard
but I have to be patient
I am not dumb
I know she will come
I won't act any differently
I want to be loved for being me
I am only human
I have my flaws, more than most, but
I will keep going
I will not fall
I will stand tall
I will not stop searching
I will find her
For that is me
and this is I





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